My Husband Isn’t Enough

Written by Ashley Clark

Do you ever feel that your husband isn’t fulfilling your needs? That he just isn’t enough? Maybe he’s not. But have you ever thought there may be a reason for that?

I wish my husband could love every part of me. I wish he shared my passion for travel and understood my need for adventure. I wish he was always quick to forgive and to make me laugh. I wish he understood where my deepest insecurities and flaws stem from. I wish he could see how hard I work to please him even when he isn’t around. I wish he could always know exactly what I need to hear after a hard day. I wish he only treated me with adoration and selflessness. I wish he could know exactly what I need, when I need it, every single time.

But he can’t—no matter how much he loves me or I love him.

Of course, there are days when I feel extremely loved and adored by him; but there are also times when I feel unappreciated, misunderstood and even disliked. There are days when he just doesn’t get me, and I feel alone and empty. Satan loves to use this feeling of emptiness against me. He tries to convince me that my husband isn’t doing what he’s supposed to. That he isn’t enough.

But that’s just it. He isn’t.

The need my husband can’t fulfill

This is why we are commanded to put God before anyone else: “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment” (Matthew 22:37-38). If another human could love me perfectly, would I love God this much? Would I see the need for Him in my life?

Sadly, probably not.

I could feel completely fulfilled by my marriage and not feel the need for God to fill in all the empty spaces. I could feel like all my needs were fulfilled by one man, my husband.

But instead God created us to have a deep need for His perfect love—a need that can be aided and strengthened through the character growth that comes from a godly marriage.

Our marriages are meant to work in complete harmony with our relationship with God.

When we develop a rift in one relationship, we leave room for Satan to pry his way in. And the trouble is that when Satan gets into bed with one relationship, it affects the other.

Example 1: If our relationship with God is suffering, so will our marriage. If our attitude is sinful, that can have an effect on our spouse and cause him to potentially sin, which, all in all, makes both of our relationships with God worse.

Example 2: If our marriage relationship is suffering, it makes sinning and treating each other poorly that much easier, which will hurt our relationship with God.

One relationship cannot stand strong without constant love and attention being poured into the other. So many couples neglect their relationship with God, not realizing it is a major element of their marriage. This can cause people to bounce from one relationship to the next in a constant pursuit of the (oh, so elusive) “perfect” love. They think that if it’s true love, it will be easy. But having a love-filled marriage isn’t meant to always be easy.

Lessons only marriage can teach

If I were married to Prince Charming, who woke up smelling like Old Spice, came home with flowers and chocolates every day and always treated me like a princess—sure, it would be easy to love him. But it isn’t as easy to love someone who soaks the bed in sweat as he sleeps, kisses you with coffee breath and at times loses his temper. This is why marriage is designed to build character.

Marriage teaches us lessons that we could never learn on our own—selflessness, sacrifice, humility—and many other character traits that we must cultivate in order to become more like God. So, no, marriage on earth wasn’t created to be easy or perfect, but to be a training course so we are ready for our ultimate marriage to Jesus Christ (Revelation 19:9).

We have to stay vigilant in the fight against our adversary, the devil. We must keep strong our relationship with both God and our spouse in order to keep Satan from creeping in and planting seeds of doubt. When we are feeling beaten down and wondering why our marriage isn’t easier or why our spouse isn’t perfect, we have to remember: They aren’t meant to be.

Only God is.