Childhood Anxiety: What Can Parents Do?

As the world becomes more intense, so can the emotions of our children. If our children face childhood anxiety, how can we help them cope and overcome?

As Christian adults, we are very well aware of the chaos in this world brought on by Satan, whom the Bible calls the “prince of the power of the air” (Ephesians 2:2).

Not only must we cope with the perils of the world, but we must help our children cope with Satan’s influence. He knows all our weak points and when to assault us and our children.

As much as we try to spend quality time with our children, surround them with our love, teach them about God’s way and shield them from the destructive influences around us, it is inevitable for the environment and Satan’s influence to have some effect on them.

Anxiety is one emotion that some children experience, yet it is often misunderstood. Since God wants us to “be anxious for nothing” (Philippians 4:6), how can we help our children learn to combat this fiery dart (Ephesians 6:16) that some of them face?

What is anxiety?

As a school counselor, I see a number of children facing anxiety issues and have studied the subject to learn how to help. Research suggests that 8 to 10 percent of children suffer from anxiety disorders. There are different types of anxiety children can face, including separation anxiety, phobias, social anxiety and generalized anxiety. Some examples of anxiety are:

• Worrying about things before they happen.
• Constant worries or concerns about family, school, friends or activities.
• Fears of embarrassment or making mistakes.

Anxiety becomes a concern when it interferes with a child’s daily living.

Signs of anxiety

Identifying anxiety can be tricky, because it is often masked by other emotions such as anger, sadness and/or difficulty paying attention or focusing. Before children learn to control their emotions, they may show their anxiety in these different ways. When anger is used as a mask, children may become physical toward others. Sadness may be seen through the child being more sensitive and crying more often than usual. Anxious children may have a hard time sitting still, maintaining a conversation or play activity, or be unable to focus on their schoolwork.

To get to the root of any anxiety issues they notice, parents can ponder several questions:

• Have there been any changes at home or at school?
• How does my child usually handle difficult situations?
• Does my child get upset about the same things frequently?

Tools to help

Pray for wisdom. Ask God to guide you in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions when your child is upset. Our emotions and actions can be affected by our child’s emotions and actions. We may feel we lack the experience to help our children solve some of their problems. Seek God’s guidance, and He will help you discover the correct frame of mind and ideas for helping your child.

You can empathize with your children and show you care about what they are feeling. But set some rules about how they react when upset (“It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to lose your temper and hurt yourself or others or throw things”). “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man quietly holds it back,” says Proverbs 29:11 (Revised Standard Version). The apostle Paul wrote, “Be angry, and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

We can teach our children the importance of understanding and following the instructions regarding human relationships that are included as part of the 10 Commandments.

For some children it may help to create a feelings thermometer together using a 1-5 scale. Help your children to identify what makes their emotional temperature rise and ways to bring their temperature back down, such as:

• Taking deep breaths.
• Talking to a grown-up.
• Coloring.
• Drawing.
• Reading.

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad” (Proverbs 12:25). Teach your children to fight their worries by replacing those thoughts with positive thoughts (Philippians 4:8).

Taking notes on your child’s behavior is a way to get to the root cause of the issue. Make a simple chart with the headers:

• What happened before the behavior (antecedent).
• The behavior itself.
• What happened after the behavior (consequence).

Then jot a quick note under each column when the behavior arises. As time goes on, a pattern of when the behaviors arise may develop, making it easier for you to identify what triggers your child’s behavior.

“For by wise counsel you will wage your own war [in this case, on anxiety], and in a multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 24:6). Your child’s teachers can be helpful in understanding your child’s behavior. If your child’s school has a school counselor, school psychologist or school social worker, talk to this person as well.

If you’ve exhausted all your tips, tricks and techniques to help your child, consider talking to your child’s pediatrician or another professional you trust.

Satan’s influence goes all the way down to our children. Seeking God’s wisdom and greater understanding of your child can help you cope with difficult parenting situations.

For more about parenting, see the section on “Positive Tips for Practical Parenting” on the LifeHopeandTruth.com website.

Shannon Foster, a school counselor, and her husband, Eddie, attend the Cincinnati/Dayton, Ohio, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.