Bipolar Disorder and a Godly Marriage

I have watched my parents make the lifelong commitment of marriage work in spite of bipolar disorder. Hopefully, these comforting words will be of some help to others who are going through this challenge.

I am not a physician who studies mood disorders, nor am I a marriage counselor—but I have lived 40 years as a child of a bipolar parent, while witnessing the miracle of a very committed and loving husband and wife, father and mother.

Many people who discuss their own individual experience with a family member with mood disorders ask, “Where do I start?”

Early memories

Well, the early memories of my mother were ones of comfort; she was nurturing when we needed it, and she was very driven to get the task at hand done correctly. The five children in our family were taught to be polite, respect authority and thrive in school, sports and other extracurricular activities. These were the fun and memorable times!

I can also remember, when I was only 7 years old and our family was together on a trip to Lake Tahoe—all of a sudden, this aggressive and very scary person, who looked like my mother, acted in a very violent way. This was the first episode of full-blown mania that I witnessed, in the fall of 1972.

There were many cycles of manic and depressive behavior during the next 40 years, but it may have been worsened by a misdiagnosis in 1978. It was not until my parents were in a horrific car accident in 1990 that she was correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder I.

Staying quiet through the pain

The five of us children did not really talk about what happened when my mother was displaying full-blown manic episodes and then deep depression—it was frightening to see what she would do. But we also cried a lot because we did not want to see this “monster” disease hurt Mom and Dad.

Godly oneness in the unity of marriage

I have learned through all of this that this disorder does not define who my mother is. Nor does it now, thanks to more godly understanding, affect the way that my dad shows the Christlike love to the wife of his youth. God created the marriage union to truly be as one, as God and Christ are, in ALL things! If we turn to God, He will make sure that His oneness takes place by the power of His Spirit.

My parents have shown me a wonderful example of unconditional love throughout their marriage. On July 28, 2012, they celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary—with God, anything we can think of and more than we can imagine is possible (Mark 10:27; Ephesians 3:20).

Having this type of marital success is a true blessing, since some estimate that the chances of an individual with bipolar disorder staying married is less than 10 percent (Marcia Purse, About.com).

Believing that God will heal

We know that God says He will heal us when we come to Him and ask to be anointed, and have faith in His power of healing (James 5:14-15). As young children when all of this began, my siblings and I did not fully grasp this; and understandably, we still had a lot to learn about God’s providence.

As a young person, I asked God almost every day why He did not just take away the reason behind the suffering—I did not understand why He was not doing immediately what He promised He would do.

“As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy” (James 5:11, New International Version).

Amazing and innumerable blessings

If you have dealt with a mental disorder in your family, if you know of someone who has dealt with it in the past or is dealing with it now, or if you are dealing with the effects of it in your marriage, I strongly encourage you to seek the love and comfort of God and your family and friends who deeply care for your well-being.

God has not completely taken away my mom’s bipolar disorder or many of the effects of this dreaded disease; but He has made my parents’ marriage whole, has increased their love for one another and has blessed them with amazing and innumerable blessings.

For all of that, we are thankful to God for what He has taught us; and all of us look forward to the perfect healing of my mother—and so many others who suffer—at the return of Jesus Christ!

If you seek additional educational materials about bipolar disorder, I recommend An Unquiet Mind; a Memoir of Moods and Madness, written by Kay Redfield Jamison, who is a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The help of professionals in the field can be vitally important.

Another good book is Patty Duke’s A Brilliant Madness: Living With Manic-Depressive Illness.

Dave La Ravia is a member of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association, and attends the Van Buren, Arkansas, congregation with his wife, Laura, and daughter, Codi.

For more on marriage, see the “Marriage” section of the LifeHopeandTruth.com website.

For more on mental health issues, see:

•  Dealing With Mental Health Issues 
• Thoughts About Thoughts