And Baby Makes Three

Preparing to have a baby is one of the most exciting and important activities in our lives.

One of the greatest gifts God has granted to married couples is the ability to expand our families with children. For my wife and me, the conversation about this wondrous addition came after a couple years of marriage.

Something happens in a strong, thriving marriage that promotes the conversation about having smaller versions of ourselves! We reason that a combination of the husband’s and wife’s best characteristics will make for a winning formula, right? The only problem is that along with the good characteristics can come more “challenging” characteristics. But then again, what’s life without a little challenge?

Before you get started

Like any major decision, such as buying a car or your first home, it is important that you count the cost before embarking upon the delightful journey of a “new addition.” Babies are cute and cuddly and smell good (most of the time), but they are an expense. That may sound a little harsh, but like your house and car, you will have to invest time, energy and finances into keeping your child safe and happy and preparing him or her for life as an adult.

When it comes to important decisions, you want to have God involved right from the start. God is in favor of marriage and family, yet He also wants us to be wise and prudent when it comes to deciding to have a baby. Ask God to be involved in your decision making and to grant you wisdom in determining the right time to begin your family.

If you had the blessing of receiving premarital counseling, now might be a good time to revisit some of the things you discussed. In premarital counseling you may have explored areas of compatibility, your home environments when you were children and each of your thoughts about raising children.

Take time to sit with your spouse and talk about how your life has changed since marriage and how you think it might change when your “little visitor” arrives for an 18- to 20-year stay. Revisit some of the areas you talked about in regards to parenting. Ask yourself, “Do I still feel the same way now?” Try to come to agreement about parenting methods and ideals.

Seeking and receiving advice

Generally speaking, people tend to announce, “We’re pregnant!” more than, “We’re considering having a baby.” (Still, your parents and minister and others would likely be happy to have you seek their advice in advance!)

Once family and friends find out that you’re expecting, all sorts of advice will be directed your way. Some advice will be fascinating and will resonate with you, and you will adopt it. Some of the advice will be, well—interesting. But whether the advice is solicited or unsolicited, remember that people have your best interest at heart, so attempt to receive the advice in the spirit it is given.

When it comes to seeking advice, consider couples you respect and who are modeling a strong pattern of effective child rearing. Remember that nobody is perfect, but seek out couples who make it their business to be active in the lives of their children. These same couples can be sources of information even if you’re just thinking about having children. Since having children is a life-changing experience, ask how having a baby has changed their lives and how to prepare.

Is your quiver ready?

Children are an amazing gift from God, and He inspired this psalm to be written about children: “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them” (Psalm 127:3-5).

A quiver is the storage case where arrows are kept until used by an archer, and children here are likened to arrows. Whether your quiver will be full with one arrow or five, a godly parent will take care to thoughtfully prepare for each one.

Before my wife and I were married, we were arrows in our parents’ quivers. With God’s blessing, we have produced two arrows of our own. They do indeed look like us, and we sometimes marvel about how it can seem like we are talking to a younger version of ourselves (even when we are dealing with those challenging characteristics that we often find in ourselves).

We sometimes think back to when it was just the two of us—the prebaby years, I call them. However, we tend not to think too long on this, because it was our desire to increase the number of members in our family. So our conversations these days center more on how our lives changed after baby made three.

Whether your family expansion was perfectly timed or you received a “surprise,” seek to gather as much information on effective parenting as you can to prepare to enter the amazing world of parenthood. May your quiver be full!

For a touching story of what your first baby can teach you, see "What Our First Baby Taught Me: Real Love Is Caring for Others."

Todd Carey serves as a pastor for the Church of God, a Worldwide Association. He and his wife, Gloria, have been married for 24 years and have two sons, Justin and Bronson. Todd and Gloria serve the brethren of Williamsburg, Virginia, and Delmar, Delaware.