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ROKU AppDiscipline: It Sounds Like a Bad Word, but It Can Have Good Fruit!
Written by Todd Carey
Our children won’t believe it, but disciplining them is truly hard on their loving parents. Here’s a look at how determined, consistent, loving discipline can yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness.
Looking back, I can’t remember exactly what my crime was, but I do remember Mom telling me that as soon as Dad got home, she was going to tell him how bad I had been!
Before entering my bedroom, where my punishment would commence, my dad had a brief chat with me. I remember him stooping down on one knee and saying those immortal words, “Todd, you know Daddy doesn’t like to punish you.”
Like many children, my eyes filled with tears, not because I was sorry for what I had done, but because it looked as though I was not going to get a reprieve from the warden … ur, I mean, Dad!
Discipline—the D word. It’s not just tough on children; it’s also tough on parents. Discipline, even when done correctly and in a spirit of love, is painfully difficult. As a parent, I have really come to have a deeper understanding of why God tells us that He gets no delight out of the destruction of the wicked. Delight is also absent when it comes to applying discipline to little beings that resemble us in almost every way!
Discipline—a lay-away plan
The writer of Hebrews put it this way, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11, emphasis added). Neither children nor parents rejoice in the first half of the verse, and initially only the parents see the benefits from the end of it.
Some of my favorite teachers were not my favorites when I was initially introduced to them. I viewed them as monsters who delighted in sending children to the corner or to the blackboard to write, “I will not call people ugly” 100 times!
So what changed my view? In time (and after a few disciplinary encounters), I began to see that some of my teachers “liked” me. I began to actually believe I could do better in class, and I slowly sought to actually please them by doing the work and completing assignments. Today, I visit some of these same teachers who are now my friends, and we enjoy a good laugh when they reminisce about how “worried” they were about me.
I also found myself coming to a new appreciation of my parents. They were attempting to help me even though I thought they were trying to destroy my life! I came to see the fulfillment of the peaceable side of Hebrews 12:11, having been trained by my parents and teachers.
If you love me, you’ll discipline me
As mentioned earlier, a parent who loves his or her children will find it difficult to discipline them. It is because we love them that we must engage them when we find that discipline is warranted.
It has also been my experience that no two children are alike, and this will affect how you discipline them at times. What works with one child may be totally ineffective with the other. As you spend time with your children you will come to find the things that they value. These “valuables” will at times play key roles when it comes to discipline.
The most important thing to remember is that discipline is not the end result, but a key component in a parent’s toolbox. As parents, we should not make an excuse to forgo discipline. If a rule has been violated, parents can sometimes add to the problem by not following through with disciplining their children. It may be that we’re too tired. Perhaps we throw out the “what did I tell you about that” line in hopes it will quell the situation and that the child will be grateful for not being punished. But if you love them, discipline them in love consistently.
Being disciplined with discipline
Discipline is a tremendous tool, and though it’s not enjoyable to use, its effectiveness simply cannot be denied. As parents, we must be disciplined with our discipline. If a violation calls for time-out, so be it! Loss of computer or cell phone privileges? You must follow through even if your child gives you the “eyes” or the “pout” or the “please, please, please!”
Yes, even if your children say they cannot believe you are doing this to them, sooner or later you will make believers out of them.
Is it tough? Yes, it is, but love has a tough side.
We survived and so will they
Another good D word is determination. As parents, we must be determined to rear our children in the safest environment possible. We can all mouth the words “I love you” to our children, but the actions that follow those words are just as important. Whether that is rewarding them with the keys to the car or taking them away for a period of time, our children will one day come to see that we loved them enough to exercise discipline—the D word.
Who knows? Having been trained by it, they may use it themselves when they become parents.
Todd Carey serves as a pastor for the Church of God, a Worldwide Association. He and his wife, Gloria, have been married for 24 years and have two sons, Justin and Bronson. Todd and Gloria serve the brethren of Williamsburg, Virginia, and Delmar, Delaware.
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