Father’s Day: Don’t Throw the Daddy Out With the Bathwater!

As we approach Father’s Day in America, here are some thoughts about the importance of honoring fathers—and how to help our children do it.

It’s a strange visual: With the dad still reclining in the tub after his bath, the mom grabs the left side of the tub, the kids take the right, and they heave with all their might until the dad is tossed out with the dirty, tepid bathwater.

But metaphorically, it is happening all around us.

Imagined history of the bathwater saying

Of course, this is a twist on the old saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” That was originally an expression used in Germany and some other European countries that some imagine might have come from the fact that baths in tubs were rare in the Middle Ages.

According to this theory, when a bathtub was filled, it was used for the whole family. The father bathed first, then the mother, and then the children with the oldest first. The baby got the cold, murky water at the end, and so caregivers were jokingly warned not to lose their little ones when tossing out the used-up bathwater.

Changing views of fathers

Today, if the whole family were to share one bathtub’s worth of water, the father would probably be last. And not just because he gallantly chose that position, but because our society today does not honor the role of the father as it should.

TV shows often picture fathers as buffoons, if they are present at all. There is a prevalent idea that kids need their mothers, but fathers are not all that important. Even the Berenstain Bears books, which are a common request in our household, usually depict Papa Bear as silly, overly reactive and imbalanced.

As with so many aspects of our lives, our world has turned things topsy-turvy.

How mothers can help children honor fathers

It is so important for the welfare of the whole family for the mother to show the children how to love and respect their father. Some ways to do this could be:

• Thank him for working so hard for the family.
• Have the children help cook his favorite meal.
• Send him “I love you” emails during the day (my son enjoys doing this one).
• Pray for him together when he is not there.
• Say nice things about him whether he is in the room or not. This can be a challenge, because we can get frustrated and say things out loud that we should not. Or we can let the popular male-versus-female teasing and jokes get out of hand. We need to remember that those little ears take in a lot, and what they hear leaves an indelible impression.

The father leading the family is a picture of Jesus Christ guiding the Church, so it is important that his responsibility is respected, just as the father is to love the wife as Jesus loves the Church and its members (Ephesians 5:24-26).

Fortunately, most of us enjoy the luxury of our own bathwater today. But metaphorically, let’s remember the important role fathers play in the family and not degrade them to the lowest spot, where they run the risk of getting tossed out with the bathwater.

Kirsten Nelte is an elementary school teacher and mother of two. She and her husband, Michael, are members of the Seattle, Washington, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.

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