The Ninth Commandment: Laying the Foundation for Honesty, Part 2

In part 1 we faced the growing challenge of providing a foundation of honesty for our children in a world that shows little respect for or dedication to truth. We had a clear picture of what needs to be done, and now we will consider just how to begin to make this happen.

Children need to know early on that their family regards honesty and not lying to be of paramount importance. The following comment furnishes a starting point:

“We need to instruct our children from a very young age, in simple language, what a lie is. As our children grow older, we need to draw attention to examples of honesty and dishonesty.”

So the first time you catch your child in a lie (and thankfully a young child’s guilty face will usually be the dead giveaway) is the perfect time to begin to define what a lie is, why it is wrong, what your expectations are and what its repercussions will be going forward.

Suggestions for teaching to the child’s age and understanding

Another parent said, “As parents we have to adapt our teaching based on the age and understanding of the child.” She suggested the following guidelines:

• At ages 3-5, we teach them by telling them that lies are bad and show them examples of lies, as well as help them to understand how to cope with other people telling lies.
• Ages 6-10: They know what a lie is and may be tempted to start telling “little white lies,” as people call them. Parents need to make sure to discipline for the “little white lies” as well, so that the children understand that a lie is a lie, no matter how one puts it.
• Ages 11-12: Children may start rebelling against parents and need a higher level of consequences for telling lies. Just telling them and showing examples are no longer going to make them stop. This is the age when they can start to retain the concept of the Ten Commandments better than ever before.

Make it fun: role-playing

Parents can take a proactive approach by presenting various scenarios that they know will be confronting their children in the near future and having them act out appropriate responses. This can be a light interactive experience that will help prepare them for when the real situation presents itself.

Stories anyone?

Young children love stories, and stories can provide long-lasting instruction, as the following comment illustrates:

“I remember growing up, my mom would tell us Bible stories before we went to bed. Sometimes she would tell us stories not from the Bible that carried great lessons. I remember, too, she would ask us first what we learned, so we would listen intently and eagerly share with her what we gathered from the story. Sometimes we were spot on; sometimes she would correct us.

“I still remember the story of the boy crying wolf and how that impacted me and my brothers and sisters to know very early on the responsibility of telling the truth.

“I think sometimes it is not so much the words you say, it is how you present it to kids in terms they understand that’s important. I also believe that the best ways to teach touch both the heart and mind. Stories have a way of doing that.”

Readers’ theater

Using the Bible, have family members take turns reading stories:

• The story of Joseph and how lies affected his life.
• The stories of Abraham and Isaac when they lied.
• The story of Peter when he lied.
• The stories of other Bible characters of the family’s choice.

Discussion time will provide opportunities for reinforcing the principle of honesty and defining the results of lying.

Accepting the challenge

As one of the comments earlier stated, parenting is hard work. But good results, such as honesty, integrity and trustworthiness, are certainly worth the effort, don’t you agree? Learning to obey the Ninth Commandment with all of its nuances will probably be a lifetime endeavor. It will eventually require conversion and the help of the Holy Spirit. The greatest gift you can give your children now is that of building a good foundation.

Karen Meeker values the iron-sharpening-iron approach along with dedicated Bible study when facing the challenging times this present age presents. Thank you to all who shared your comments concerning this very important subject. More comments are welcome on our Facebook page.

For more about lying and honesty, see:

• Truthfulness: A Key Parenting Tool
• The Ninth Commandment: You Shall Not Bear False Witness
• Parents Make Mistakes