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ROKU AppWord Power: Dealing With “Slurs”
Written by Todd Carey
How can we help our children use words to help others—and deal with words others use to try to hurt them?
While reading the sports page last week, I came across an article about a soccer player who broke into tears when he was on the receiving end of racial slurs shouted by a fan. His teammates and even competitors from the opposing team attempted to console him.
That reminded me of the old untrue saying that I learned as a child, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” I believe names or slurs hurt just as much now as they did when I was growing up.
I was in the second grade when the state of Virginia integrated schools. I’ll never forget that first year of integration, mostly because of the racially charged insults that came from people of all races. Fights, especially among the older children, were common place and racial slurs accompanied many of those fisticuffs.
The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines slur this way: “an insulting or disparaging remark or innuendo.” Sadly, slurs are not only hurled by adults, but can be an effective, ugly weapon used by children.
As parents, what steps can we take to teach our children how to avoid using language that insults others? And how do we help them when they are on the receiving end of a slur?
Words that hurt
A slur is a different kind of “bad word.” A slur can be a personal attack against someone’s nationality, sex, race or physical appearance. In the same way that we don’t want our children to use four-letter words, blasphemy, cursing and vulgar language, we should also teach them to avoid put-downs, name-calling and slurs.
Sadly, even young children can embark upon this ugly path. It can begin as simply as using an unkind name to describe someone.
Sometimes our children will pick up wrong language by hearing it used by others. Cursing, vulgar language and slurs are used freely in movies and television shows—even some that are allegedly “family” entertainment.
In the movie Little Man Tate (1991), Fred, the preteen boy genius, calls his mother, Dede, a “lepton,” when he discovers she did not paint the correct number of piano keys on their apartment wall. The term flies straight over his mother’s head, and the lad has to explain the term that figuratively meant her brain was smaller than an atom!
That was a slur—an open insult against his mother.
Whether they’re witty or openly blatant, slurs have no place in the conversation of children who are being raised by invested parents. The apostle Paul admonished Church members to rid themselves of evil speech:
- “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth” (Colossians 3:8).
- “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
- “Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which is not fitting, but rather giving of thanks” (Ephesians 5:4).
Teaching our children about the power of words
As parents, we want to make sure that we teach our children about the impact of words. This might start with simply making a list of words that help versus words that hurt. Then sit and talk about each word. We can encourage our children to focus on appropriate words to describe an event or an individual. The proverb says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, emphasis added throughout).
Unfortunately, it is also advisable to teach our children what to do or say when they’re on the receiving end of slurs.
In my home, my parents as well as my grandparents were always reminding us of “who we were.” They did this constantly, and they reminded us not to become discouraged if people made cutting remarks about who they thought we were or hurtful remarks about the hue of our skin.
My parents and grandparents lived during the time prior to racial integration of schools, restaurants and bathrooms, and I’m sure they received their share of slurs. Today I look at my children and, to my knowledge, the level of slurs hurled at them has been small.
As parents, we have tried to model for our children the power of words and the impact they have on people. Terms like stupid or idiot were not used to describe someone’s failure to accomplish something, and our children were prohibited from directing those terms at each other when frustrated.
Good seasoning
I was taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But if our children do have something nice to say, it is important to help them choose the words that best fit the occasion. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Colossians 4:6).
From the mouths of babes to adulthood, our words say a great deal about who and what we are in the eyes of others. So why not start when our children are young to teach them the benefits of well-seasoned words?
Todd Carey serves as a pastor for the Church of God, a Worldwide Association. He and his wife, Gloria, have been married for 24 years and have two sons, Justin and Bronson. Todd and Gloria serve the brethren of Williamsburg, Virginia, and Delmar, Delaware.
For more on the power of words, see:
