Becoming Peacemakers

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9). We all desire peaceful and fulfilling relationships, but we don’t always know how to achieve them.

No one wants conflict and strife, but we live in a world that doesn’t know the way to peace—whether between nations or individuals.

Whose fault is it?

Sometimes, the ones we love end up being the hardest to love. This makes sense when you consider that we spend much more time with family and friends than with others. We tend to see our family members’ flaws and quirks up close and personal. Eventually it becomes hard to remember their good qualities. We may even conclude that they are the ones who need to change in order for the relationship to get better.

Yet we know the saying: “You can’t change anyone but yourself.” So what do we do when we find ourselves at odds with one or more of our loved ones? It can be unpleasant, maybe even awkward at times, to be at family gatherings and feel tension or unresolved pain. Depending on the circumstances, you may have already tried to say you were sorry and to reconcile, but the other person still holds bitterness toward you.

Whatever the case, we must realize that if we want to get right with people, we must also strive to get right with God.

Love God first

During His time on earth, Christ was often asked questions that were meant to trip Him up. A Pharisee came and asked Him what the greatest commandment was. Jesus replied, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:34-39).

This response helps us see that God expects us to love Him and our neighbor. We can’t love God and hate people.

The everyday application of loving our God is to simply obey Him (1 John 5:3). He has recorded many instructions on how to show Him love and respect—how to love and worship Him the way He wants to be loved and worshipped.

He has also given us commands about how to love those with whom we come in contact, and these will bring us a deeper understanding of God’s expectations in all of our relationships. By daily Bible study and praying for wisdom, we are taking the first step toward bringing peace to our lives.

Love your neighbor

The second great command that Christ spoke of helps us to understand how to treat the people we meet. This starts with family, but can be as far-reaching as the person driving next to you in traffic, your coworker, a server at a restaurant, etc. Our “neighbor” was defined as anyone we come across in the famous parable of the good Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37).

As we interact with many different people throughout our day, we can use a few principles found in the Scriptures that show us how to follow God’s command to love our neighbors.

• A gentle answer: “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). How many arguments could we resolve by answering in a gentle, quiet manner? Often we are in the midst of emotions and want our opinion to be heard just as loudly, so we yell to match the other person’s tone.

But if we lower our voice and take time to think through our answer, we might surprise the other person and ourselves. Often a solution presents itself in the presence of calm rather than contention.

• Remove the root: “Pursue peace with all people … looking carefully … lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble” (Hebrews 12:14-15). Check your life for places you might be holding grudges. God warns us that they can surface and cause us troubles. For example, we may react very strongly to something because of deeper issues lying dormant.

This leads into learning forgiveness. We must forgive as we were forgiven by God. We may never truly forget what happened to us, but we must ask God to help us forgive and give up the desire for revenge.

• Humility: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3). If we approach each relationship with the mind-set of being more concerned about the other person than ourselves, we will not only heal problems, but we will be living a life that looks more and more like Christ, our perfect example.

This is a character trait that does not come naturally to the human heart. We have to learn to put aside the natural desires and pulls of our hearts in order to show true love.

Lovingly wait

In our journey toward being a peacemaker, we must keep in mind that applying these principles does not guarantee others will instantly become compliant and easy to be around. It may take time for them to soften and allow the fruit of peace to enter their lives as well.

Let us strive to be at peace with all people; but most importantly, let us seek to love God with all our heart, all our soul and all our mind. Then we can enjoy “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) in this lifetime and also look forward to the time when His way of peace will be taught to the whole world in the Kingdom of God.

For more about improving our relationships, see the section on “Relationships: Making Everyday Life Better.”