Breaking the Ice: A Key to Connection

Written by Monica Ebersole

One small action can make all the difference in unlocking new friendships and strengthening existing ones. Will you break the ice?

*Image credit: Svetikd/E+ via Getty Images*

Have you ever felt like you were on the outside looking in? Perhaps you walked into a room full of people, only to feel completely alone. If you have, you’re not alone.

According to a study conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education, “High percentages of lonely respondents reported social-emotional loneliness, for example, not feeling part of meaningful groups (67%) and not having enough close friends or family (61%). Similarly high numbers of respondents reported existential loneliness, for instance, 65% of lonely respondents reported feeling fundamentally disconnected from others or the world and 63% reported their place in the world does not feel important or relevant.”

Feeling a lack of connection is clearly an all-too-frequent problem. So what can we do to combat this feeling, both for ourselves and for others?

Breaking the ice: the power of initiating conversation

It’s easy to sit around longing for connection and meaningful conversation.

As a quieter person, I’ve fallen into this trap on several occasions throughout my life. Whether I’m surrounded by a large crowd or alone with just one person, I’m always tempted to wait for someone else to make the first move.

I want others to show me that they want to be my friends.

I let this mindset hold me back for longer than I care to admit. But slowly, my perspective has begun to change. It finally dawned on me: Why should I wait around expecting others to reach out to me? Shouldn’t I show them that I want to be their friend?

Being the one to “break the ice” and initiate conversations with others is still difficult for me, and it likely always will be. But it gets a little easier each time. The more I bolster the courage to reach out and connect with others, the more my network of friends and acquaintances grows.

While not every interaction will lead to a lifelong friendship, fostering these connections still allows me to build and strengthen relationships with those around me.

Making time for meaningful connection

Even if initiating conversations comes easily to you, we all face the constant challenge of finding time to truly connect with others amid the demands of our busy lives. In our fast-paced world, we often rush from one task to the next, forgetting to truly notice the people around us.

While it’s easy to overlook the people we see most often, it’s even more challenging to keep in touch with and prioritize the friends and family we don’t see on a regular basis. When was the last time we reached out to our long-distance loved ones?

Time often passes faster than we realize, and it only takes a brief lapse in communication for a layer of “ice” to form over our once-close relationships.

Why not be the one to reach out and break it?

By intentionally setting aside time to connect with others, whether in person or virtually, we are communicating to them how much we care. Our actions speak louder than our words (1 John 3:18).

Knowing what to say

It’s easy to acknowledge that we should take the initiative to start conversations. But it can be hard to know what to say. Oftentimes, the challenge of knowing how to start a conversation is what holds us back in the first place. There are two eloquently written proverbs that provide some valuable insight in this regard:

“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

These verses paint a beautiful picture of outgoing care and concern for others, as well as a regard for our own character in how we speak to others.

How do we put these proverbs into practice?

This is where observing others can be very helpful. Think of some individuals you admire for their ability to initiate conversations and make others feel included in the discussion. How do they model Proverbs 16:24 and Proverbs 25:11? They likely show genuine interest in others and know how to connect in ways that make people feel appreciated and valued.

These powerful examples, paired with the instruction found in many scriptures regarding our speech, can help guide us in the right direction. The next time we want to strike up a conversation with someone, can we think of something to say that will help us “pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which [we] may edify another” (Romans 14:19)?

Unexpected outcomes

You might ask yourself a “what if” question, such as:

“What if I had taken the time to introduce myself instead of walking past that person in silence?”

We never know what might transpire as a result of taking the time and summoning the courage to break the ice. This simple gesture can spark meaningful friendships, replacing the cold distance of being strangers with the warmth of genuine companionship (Proverbs 27:17; 18:24).

Similarly, we’re often unaware of the trials and difficulties that people are facing. What may seem like a small gesture to us—making the effort to initiate conversation and connection—could provide them with some much-needed comfort and support.

Over time, and with consistent effort, these relationships can flourish, allowing us to support our new friends by helping them bear their burdens (Galatians 6:2) and serving as a source of encouragement and support during times of adversity (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Proverbs 17:17).

No regrets

Although it can feel intimidating and uncomfortable at times, I’ve never regretted taking the initiative to meet someone new. Let’s not let the fear of making the first move stop us from seizing valuable opportunities to build lasting relationships!

To learn more about the value of meaningful relationships and how to cultivate them, check out the following content: