Cultivating a Heart of Service

Serving our families and congregations is a vital Christian duty. But how can we determine whether we’re merely doing tasks or building relationships?

My daughter started helping unload the dishwasher when she was 19 months old. The silverware drawer is her domain. At first, she would take one spoon at a time from the dishwasher, walk to the drawer, open it, reach up and drop in the spoon, close the drawer and head back to the dishwasher. She can also take her bowls, plates and spoons to her “special cabinet” to put them away one by one.

Needless to say, it’s a long process—but an exciting challenge for her, filled with plenty of shiny things.

She has other jobs too. Since she could first walk, she’s been helping her daddy take down the sound equipment after church services, taking up the duct tape and putting away the microphone. She brings her clean clothes into her room and puts them by her closet so we can put them away together. She helps clean up her toys and books when it’s naptime. She feeds the dog his breakfast and dinner (and only once tried to take a nibble!).

While she sometimes doesn’t want to do these things, she is usually helpful because she loves to be helpful. She relishes the moments when she imitates us by performing chores that she has seen us perform.

Though menial, I enjoy them more when I do them with her. 

Service as interdependence

Time is precious, and doing chores with a toddler doesn’t save time. But my husband and I hope by creating a family culture of helping one another, we can cultivate in her a heart of service to others—built on a foundation of love rather than just duty. 

These chores make her feel needed, capable and independent at this tender age—doing grown-up things alongside Mommy and Daddy. As she grows, I hope her enjoyment of them never changes but that their meaning for her changes.

Helping, doing, listening, serving—I pray these things symbolize interdependence for her. 

We do these things for each other because we are a family. 

We do these things for each other because we are a Church family—a congregation. 

Because we love one another, we listen to each other’s needs. We practice empathy by imagining how others feel and asking questions rather than assuming.

Because we love one another, we might do things that are important to others, even if those things don’t matter much to us. 

Because we love one another, we want to do things together, whether folding laundry or reading a book on the couch. 

Serving, then, is about making life better for others—and very often, that’s by doing things alongside one another. And in doing things together—through the simple act of helping—we build relationships and skills, making our own lives better too.

Serving is about relationships

One of the great things about teaching is that it forces us to slow down. Trying to teach skills and instill character traits in my daughter has helped me take a closer look at each one: the steps involved, the purpose, the value and the desired outcome. And all the ways that I fall short of applying the​​se things. 

Sometimes, I find myself serving out of duty rather than love, assuming that someone needs something done for them rather than asking and listening, or trying to do something for someone when they may prefer I do it alongside them.

When Martha was “distracted with much serving” (Luke 10:40), was she focused on her relationships with Jesus, her sister and the disciples, or on the physical tasks she assumed were needed? Did she stop to listen to what Jesus truly wanted—her presence and attention—or was she distracted by the pressure of hospitality? Could she slow down enough to recognize how she could show Him her love?

Serving our Savior is not about showing how much we can give and how well we can give it. It’s about our relationship with Him. Serving our families and congregations is also about building relationships, strengthening bonds and making our lives fuller in the context of our community. That’s what edification is all about (Ephesians 4:16).

“Members who belong to one another”

Paul’s words in Romans 12 are packed with advice for cultivating a healthy, interdependent congregational family: “We who are many are one body in Christ, and individually we are members who belong to one another . . . Love must be without hypocrisy . . . Be devoted to one another with mutual love, showing eagerness in honoring one another . . . Contribute to the needs of the saints, pursue hospitality . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:5, 9-10, 13, 15, New English Translation).

I pray that my daughter will maintain a heart for service throughout her life. But more than that, I pray that I can show her what Christian service is supposed to look like. It should be built on a foundation of genuine love—service that listens before speaking, service that may not always be easy but is always a blessing, service that gives and receives, and service that acknowledges our need for one another as a family and as a Church.

For a deeper dive into the nurturing of a godly nuclear family and spiritual family, consider reading the article “Building Strong Families.” Also, check out the Encourage, Equip & Inspire resource for parents on “Serving.”