Harnessing Happiness: Battling the Thens and Whens

We all desire to live happy lives. Yet do you find yourself dreaming of the future or reminiscing on the past? Learning to be content in the present and making the most of whatever chapter of life you’re living now is a key to happiness and fulfillment—not to mention serving God and others more effectively!

If you’re like most people, you probably have a strong desire to live a life filled with deep and lasting happiness. Maybe you dream of days when the dishes do themselves and your emails are all magically responded to before you even open your inbox.

During busy or frustrating times, you might find yourself recalling times when you were happier, reflecting fondly on your most cherished memories. Or you may slip into a daydream about your future, focusing on your goals, dreams and desires.

Many of us struggle with finding contentment in the present without living in the past or the future. Finding and sustaining happiness and contentment requires a new attitude and approach to life.

Let’s see what our past and our future have to say about living in the present.

Moving beyond “then”

A few years ago, I moved from sunny California across the country to take a new job at a university in the Midwest. Being thrown into my first “real winter,” along with leaving everything familiar, challenged me to grow in this new season of my life. On my loneliest days, I would catch myself thinking about my friends and family back home and the things we used to do together. “I was happy then,” I thought, recalling these fond memories.

I quickly realized that while my desire to stay connected to the people I loved out West wasn’t wrong, spending so much mental time focusing on the past instead of living in the present was holding me back and impacting my happiness.

I had a whole new chapter of my life to write now—a new job, new church congregation, new friends and countless opportunities to make many more happy memories. I had to move beyond “then” and step into “now.”

Waiting for “when”

Another trap we often fall into is waiting for things to change so we can achieve happiness in the future. We might think, I’ll be happy when:

• All my bills are paid.
• The weather is sunny.
• I finish school.
• My house is clean.
• I lose weight.
• My job gets better.
• I fall in love.

Fill in the blank with whatever statement you like, but the impact is the same. We can’t wish ourselves into happiness. It doesn’t work that way. We can easily miss out on being happy now because we’re waiting for “when” to magically happen.

The science of happiness

Throughout time, people have studied happiness and well-being to figure out how to live more fulfilling lives. In recent decades, the applied science of positive psychology has uncovered some interesting results on what influences our happiness.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, is one of the researchers. In her best-selling book, The How of Happiness, Dr. Lyubomirsky suggests that each individual has a genetic predisposition or a “genetic set point” that determines half of our happiness capacity.

It’s interesting to note that this research finds that only about 10 percent of happiness is based on life circumstances and the remaining 40 percent comes from intentional activities. That means we have a lot of control over how happy we choose to be now!

God’s happiness solution

While science affirms that we can make intentional choices toward happiness, the Bible provides deeper wisdom on what we can do to achieve lasting happiness. In Philippians 4:11-13, the apostle Paul describes how he had learned to be content in all things—no matter the circumstances—because Christ gave him strength.

It’s interesting to note that Paul shares here that he learned to be content (verse 11). Contentment is not a natural state of mind; rather, it is an attitude we can adopt.

So how can we learn to be content, rather than focusing on the thens and the whens of our lives? Below are a few suggestions for developing an attitude of contentment:

1. Focus on the blessings of the present. God has given each of us so many wonderful and amazing blessings. From developing close relationships with others to the work we’re capable of doing, we should remember to take time to honor God for these things.
2. Exercise generosity with what you’ve been given. Many of us also have the ability to share these blessings with others. Look for opportunities to serve and give with a generous heart.
3. Learn from your current trials. While going through hard times isn’t fun, we can be assured that God doesn’t test us beyond what we’re capable of handling with His support (1 Corinthians 10:13). For this reason, each trial is an opportunity for learning and growth.
4. Trust that God will continue to provide. God promises never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). By remembering this promise, we can have certainty that God will give us exactly what we need because He knows us, loves us and wants us to be happy forever.

God intentionally designed us with the ability to choose our attitudes and actions. Living in the past or focusing solely on dreams for the future can take us away from exercising contentment in the present. Let go of the thens and whens in your life so you can live now with godly contentment.

Leslie M. Schwartz is a positive psychology coach, consultant and trainer who works with clients around the world. She attends the Portland, Oregon, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.

For related reading, see:

• Joy in the Midst of a Trial?
• Are You Getting Ahead or Just Getting More?
• Make Every Day a Day of Thanksgiving!
• Bitterness or Joy? Do I Have a Choice?