Hopelessness to Hopefulness: Dealing With the Suicide of a Loved One

With the new calendar year comes the accompanying resolutions that many make to pursue and achieve happiness. Yet for many, hopelessness is a constant companion. Some find it difficult to write the correct “new” year in their January check registers. Others find it impossible to continue writing their life story for another day.

Approximately every 15 minutes in the United States, a phone call intrudes into a personal space to advise of a loved one’s suicide.

I am one such statistic.

The Sunday evening after this past Thanksgiving, my older brother called to inform me that our younger brother had taken his own life.

Stating the obvious

From my childhood, I’ve viewed death as an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26). Scripture teaches me death is a universal fate: “And as it is appointed for men to die once” (Hebrews 9:27). It appears, therefore, that I have no choice but acceptance; yet there is hardly a word in the dictionary that can encapsulate the shock at receiving news of a loved one’s suicide.

Over the years, my reactions to the natural deaths of grandparents, parents, friends and family (who reached longevity milestones) have been grief, bereavement, sadness and loss. Suicide, however, has tainted the emotional cocktail with the toxic mixtures of guilt, anger, shame and stigma.

Underlying enemies

Brought on by any combination of variables, hopelessness can arise from an individual’s reactions to natural life events filled with their social stresses, chronic illnesses (including mental illness), genetic vulnerabilities or environmental challenges.

While hopelessness robs some of resilience, others find ways to thwart its cunning thieveries. What causes the differences—especially among those from the same genetic pool—is a puzzle. Without resilience and proper treatment, some begin to weave hopelessness into the fabric of their personality. I’ve come up close and personal to the formidable and paralyzing presence to which hopelessness holds its victims captive.  

Marching orders

It’s not my inclination to research and reproduce suicide statistics. I write only as a victim of unnatural loss who, through the darkened present, looks forward to an illuminated future. My personal desire to walk in Jesus Christ’s footsteps was not shared by my brother. Conflicted as he was through our adult lives, he noticed a sense of calm and peace in my life, all the while challenging my beliefs, my hope and my trust in God.

Whatever his inner conflicts, I loved my younger brother and hold securely to the understanding that he is not forgotten by God. He was known and loved by a God whose immensely hope-filled plan will include him at a future time (see our Fundamental Beliefs “4. The Purpose of Human Life”). Peter recorded God’s loving intention: “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

A future and a hope

My faith fuels me with hope for my brother’s resurrection (see our Fundamental Beliefs “20. The Resurrections”). He will be given the opportunity to receive an undiminishing amount of hope from the God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17).

In the 6th century B.C., the ancient prophet Jeremiah sent a hope-filled letter to the Israelite captives who had been carried away to Babylon. This life-altering event had, no doubt, produced social and psychological strains that must have thrown many of them into fits of hopelessness.

In this beautifully recorded passage we read these comforting words: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity” (Jeremiah 29:11-14, emphasis added).

For all held captive by hopelessness, there is an even more formidable Conqueror! Through all that seems presently insurmountable, there is the sure certainty of a future and a hope.

Janel Johnson is a member of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association, and is married to COGWA pastor Douglas Johnson. She has two surviving siblings, an older sister and an older brother.

See these related, hope-filled pages:

• We Lost a Family Member to Suicide Last Week
• What Is the Fate of Those Who Commit Suicide?