Misinterpreted

Have you ever had someone misunderstand your words or tone in a conversation? What should we do about it?

Have you ever been verbally accosted because of someone’s misperception of what you said or did? Have you ever had someone just get you completely wrong?

I have. And I hazard a guess that if you’re still reading, you have too, in some form or another.

Mistaken identity

Last year, my husband and I had the blessed opportunity to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Because we hadn’t taken a bona fide vacation since our honeymoon, we decided to take a one-week getaway, complete with a couple’s trip to a spa for massage appointments. (Yes, my husband actually going to the spa was his anniversary gift to me.)

During the massage, as we conversed with the therapists, our special anniversary trip came up. When they stepped outside into the hallway, I overheard their brief conversation. And I recall wishing I hadn’t. It went something like this:

Therapist 1: “Did you hear her say they’re on vacation for their 10-year anniversary?” (Giggle, giggle.)

Therapist 2: “Yeah. I heard that.” (Scoff, scoff.) “There’s no way she’s his wife.”

Ouch!

For whatever reason, these women had made a very flawed assumption, and I was hurt. Not only had they insinuated I was lying, they had also come to a much more revolting conclusion. Clearly these women had horribly misinterpreted me and my husband both.

Misery?

There is, of course, a valuable lesson to be learned from not being overly sensitive to insensitive remarks. Tact, after all, is not a common commodity. But even moderate, recurring misinterpretations can leave some serious emotional scars. And major misinterpretations can create lasting collateral damage, especially if combined with gossip.

So what’s the cure? When I’m feeling particularly downtrodden, I try a few steps that work for me. Perhaps they’ll work for you as well.

1.      Pray about it.

This first step might seem obvious, but have you ever considered that one of God’s names is “Counselor”? When you’re going through an exceptionally difficult time, consider your daily prayer time as a counseling session. Such deep, meditative prayer provides focus and perspective that enables us to articulate our hurts and concerns to the perfect Therapist!

One brief note of caution on this subject: Keep these prayerful counseling sessions respectful and balanced. Obviously the Almighty Architect of the universe doesn’t deserve “venting sessions,” and we should be offering Him praise for who He is and what He has done for us. Daily.

2.      Use discernment. Is it worth it?

In the above example with the massage therapists, though I was hurt, I decided it wasn’t worth addressing. Perhaps a bolder personality type would have confronted the two women, but I figured that nothing I could say would change their preconceived notions. For me, it wasn’t worth the extra stress and energy.

Meanwhile, asking God for more wisdom on how to deal with these types of situations and searching the Scriptures for guidance are better applications of my energy.

3.      Resolve the issue with the individual, if applicable and possible.

Found in Matthew 18, the guidance on how to converse with an individual (usually someone with whom you regularly interact) who has wronged you provides practical, logical conflict resolution tips and is well worth an in-depth Bible study.

I have heard Christians mention that this method is “overrated” or that it’s only to be used in extreme circumstances, but I have personally found the more I apply this portion of Scripture, the more natural it feels. And I often strengthen a friendship in doing so. Making sure my attitude is correct before approaching the individual is the biggest challenge for me: It pays to speak softly and calmly, without criticism and contempt, and with the other person’s best interests in mind.

4.      Get your mind off it.

This is more of a problem for certain personality types, like mine, which tend to be more introspective and brooding. So simply not dwelling on the misunderstanding (when it is beyond my control) is cathartic for me. One of the best ways I know of to accomplish this is through an act of service, such as praying for and sending cards to people who are ill. Without fail, once I focus on others who have a more immediate need, I cease to brood.

Mission critical

Earlier I listed prayer as step one. But in reality, it’s a step that should be applied and reapplied throughout this process.

After all, God knows our very hearts, which is tremendously uplifting when others so easily misinterpret us. With our all-knowing and merciful Father, we can take comfort knowing that we will always be a miss—or a ma’am—correctly interpreted.

Debbie and her husband, Guye, have recently relocated to beautiful and friendly northern Kentucky and are settling into their new home.

For more about communication and miscommunication, see:

• The Basics of Meaningful Communication 101
• How Am I Steering My Tongue?
• A Word to the Wise