Mother-in-Law or Mother-in-Love?

Reflecting on my dear mother-in-law and being a mother-in-law drew me to the quintessential mother-in-law of the Bible, Naomi.

This past Sunday, we set aside a day to honor mothers. Each family shows love to their matriarch in a variety of ways.

As I stopped at the greeting card aisle and read up and down the columns of cards, I found myself thinking about all the women in my life. Besides remembering our mothers, we also include our mothers-in-law. Since my own dear mother-in-law just celebrated her 90th birthday, perhaps it’s fitting to pause and examine one unique relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.

My mind raced to the quintessential example of a good mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. This one is rehearsed in the Bible and specifically the book of Ruth. Even though Ruth is the heroine and main character, we will center our attention on Naomi.

Naomi and Ruth

The book of Ruth opens by telling the story of Elimelech and Naomi from the tribe of Judah. They and their two sons move from Bethlehem and relocate to the country of Moab, hoping to escape a famine. Both sons choose wives outside their religion and nationalities. They both marry Moabite women, namely Ruth and Orpah.

A decade passes and some very unfortunate circumstances occur. First, Elimelech dies. Then, shortly after, both sons die, leaving behind their two younger widows. Naomi’s family is suddenly wiped out. She finds herself single again without the support of any nearby relatives except her daughters-in-law.

In her grief and upon learning that the famine in Ephratah (ancient name for Bethlehem)is over, she makes a big decision. She decides to return to her family and friends in Bethlehem. It’s tough for a woman alone to pick up stakes and move herself across many miles and start over.

The time for Naomi’s departure arrives, and she must say her good-byes to both beloved daughters-in-law. Naomi presses them to leave her and return to their own parents. Ruth and Orpah have grown close to their mother-in-law. They have become so attached that the very thought of them leaving her brings tears. The young women both protest, but finally, Orpah relents and tearfully departs.

One of my favorite quotes in all of Scripture

The next section of the story is a remarkable dialogue between Ruth and Naomi. Get ready. Here comes one of my favorite quotes in all of Scripture. Naomi repeatedly pleads with her sweet daughter-in-law Ruth to leave her because she can’t promise Ruth an easy or wealthy lifestyle.

Ruth and Naomi have an unusually close relationship. Passionately Ruth declares her loyalty and devotion with these well-known words: “Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God” (Ruth 1:16, King James Version). What incredible commitment! Naomi is left speechless.

Learning from Naomi’s mother-in-law style

What would make Ruth have such love and loyalty for her mother-in-law? What could cement their relationship so deeply? What can Naomi’s example teach us? We can discover several points that may help us emulate this dearly loved mother-in-law. Let’s backtrack and examine the dynamics at work between them.

First, Naomi complimented both her daughters-in-law for being good wives and good to her. Everyone needs a little encouragement, and who doesn’t thrive on positive words? Naomi has a knack for praising and commending her daughters-in-law. Criticism kills. We are drawn to people who always have a kind word and approval.

Second, Naomi pronounced a blessing on her daughters-in-law. See Ruth 1:8-9. She asks that the Lord show them kindness and that the Lord grant them remarriage and a husband to take care of them. This suggests that we can give our daughters-in-law a blessing and pray for them to be specifically blessed.

Third, Naomi showed them affection. She kissed them and cried with them. In like manner, we can offer warm hugs and a shoulder to lean on. We can put our arms around our daughters-in-law in loving reassurance.

Last, Naomi treated them unselfishly. She had a generous spirit. She would have loved to have had help getting back to Bethlehem and reestablishing her life—who wouldn’t? But she urged her daughters-in-law to think of themselves. She wanted the best for them at the exclusion of herself.

Naomi’s name in Hebrew means “amiable or pleasant one.” Further reading of the narrative in Ruth confirms that she reflected the attributes of her name. Her example gives us clues to being a mother-in-law who is truly loved and cherished.

As we follow Naomi’s lead, we invent the “mother-in-love.”

Judy Servidio grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas, surrounded by strong women. There was her mother and two sisters. She gladly acclaims her diminutive, witty and adorable mother-in-love, two bright and charming daughters-in-law and three precious granddaughters.