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Written by Karen Meeker
Rudeness and disrespect are on the rise, but there is a remedy. It’s called the Golden Rule.
“Will was the kid whose name teachers cringed to see on their class list. Oh no, not him! was the thought each unlucky teacher had,” says Deborah Norville in her insightful book, The Power of Respect (2009).
“Big trouble”
Will was known as “big trouble” in his middle school. After years of enduring his classroom disruptions, Norville says, “Will had been labeled ‘unteachable,’ and few instructors even bothered to try” (p. 83).
Until Pamela Carroll came along, that is.
This eighth-grade teacher, while naturally filled with a certain angst upon finding Will’s name on her class list, was determined not to let this unruly teen disrupt her class objectives. But deep down Carroll wondered if there was any way that she could help.
Will’s background was not a recipe for success, she well knew. He lived on the rough side of town, made gritty with drive-by shootings and drugs. He seemed to somehow get himself to school; and “as far as she knew, no one had ever attended a parent-teacher conference to talk about Will. No one seemed to care about Will, so he didn’t care about himself either” (p. 84).
A ray of hope
One day possibly the first ray of hope in all his 15 years appeared as his teacher responded to a belligerent revelation scribbled on his reading assignment folder: “i don’t read i won’t read i can’t read.” From that day on Pamela Carroll accepted the challenge and set about changing the life of an illiterate, acting-out kid and giving him the tools and the choice to not only achieve self-respect, but also garner the respect of others.
She devised a method, using a combination of print books with corresponding books on tape, to allow Will to hear and see the words. He slowly made the connection and began to read. The other kids in the class just thought he was listening to music—a cover devised to allow him to save face.
The happy ending is that Will did learn to read well enough to successfully make an assigned oral book presentation. And his reward? The enthusiastic applause from his classmates for a job well done.
Norville concludes, “This one teacher, unwilling to let this boy go down without fighting for him, found a way to connect with him. The touch point was respect” (p. 86).
Respect equals …
While Will’s story is singularly encouraging, the larger inspiration of her book is gained from Norville’s examination of, as she so aptly titled it, the power of respect. That power distills down to words we are all familiar with: “Do unto others”—the Golden Rule. She explores with captivating real-life examples how that power works within families, in marriages, at work, in schools and in society at large.
A scarce commodity
In case you are skeptical about the need for this whole respect thing, take a look at the world in which we live. Is it a friendly, happy, civil place? Judging by my own experience with impatient drivers, rude behavior while having to wait for anything, disruptive children and unrestrained diatribes on social media, I would say that civility, a key ingredient of respect, is a scarce commodity.
Surveys conducted by U.S. News & World Report more than a decade ago showed serious concerns about growing incivility. In the respondents’ opinions, this incivility leads to increased violence, the dividing of the national community and the erosion of respect. For example, see the Los Angeles Times article “Ours Is a Rude Age, but Have a Nice Day.” I think you will agree that things certainly have not improved.
Respecting the tie that binds
Consider all the marriages (either first-time or successive) that end in divorce. The reasons vary, but the No. 1 according to Marilyn Chinitz, cited as one of New York’s leading divorce attorneys, is lack of respect: “If you lack respect, you are going to cheat. If you lack respect, you are going to lie. If you really respect someone, you know that if you do any of those things, you destroy the relationship. You destroy that person. … Respect is critical” (Norville, pp. 62-63).
The Golden Rule shows no partiality
It’s not uncommon to hear or read negative comments about the workplace, usually in the form of a frustrated vent. The crux of them often centers on difficulties with the administration, the boss, employees or a peer. A lack of appreciation or recognition for a project well done, or sometimes the lack of just plain courtesy, can result in a growing dissatisfaction on the job.
Of course it cuts both ways, and that’s why mutual respect for employers and employees is so important. It is a major factor in achieving success in any organization. Doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is no sound bite. It is the key.
Here’s the challenge
In Norville’s conclusion, she states: “I’d been raised to believe that you get what you give, to respect your elders, to let others go first, and to treat people the way you’d like them to treat you. I had no idea those simple gestures of decency could yield such dramatic results. Now that I’ve seen the research done by some of the greatest minds in the field, I am stunned to see the impact of being respected and giving respect. I am also mystified. Why wouldn’t someone want to put it to work?” (p. 189).
Which leads to another more personal question: “Why wouldn’t we?”
Karen Meeker lives in Missouri and enjoys reading, writing and learning.
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