The Basics of Meaningful Conversation 101

Communication can be tricky. Here are some tips.

The other day I read a post from a friend that brought a smile to my face. Her family recently received a blessing times two—twins. The adorable little girls are beginning to learn about their new world under the watchful care of a loving 5-year-old big sister.

Mom happened to overhear a conversation Sister was having with her 4-month-old siblings: “You know the lady who feeds you and where you lived for a while? She’s your mom.”

Though the twins are not far enough along in their development to be able to respond, their sister is introducing them to a capability given only to human beings—the ability to interact in conversation.

Learning to talk

Most parents will agree that among the most treasured experiences as their infants grow is that of hearing their first words—hopefully “Mama” or “Dada.” It’s no small feat to finally get the tongue properly positioned and the lips properly poised to be able to mimic the words and sounds babies hear repeated over and over. But eventually the wondrous event happens and is forever stored in the family memory banks.

By the time a child goes to school, she has become proficient in the basics of communication, and spends the rest of her years of development in fine-tuning the skill, often as a result of making mistakes and being embarrassed or by doing it well and successfully reaping the desired outcome.

Not as easy as it sounds

Conversation can be tricky. Most people have experienced the discomfort of a miscommunication or an awkward exchange with friends or colleagues, and all have learned one truism: Words once spoken cannot be taken back. Hurt feelings can ensue, damaging relationships or even causing a complete rift.

I have taken a couple of speech classes as well as at least one on vocabulary. While these have been helpful, what I wish I could have had was the Basics of Meaningful Conversation 101.

Form and substance

There is an art to engaging in conversation, and often the desired result is the budding of a friendship. Think about church services each Sabbath. How often do we greet each other with, “How’s it going?” or “Did you have a good week?” Sometimes viewed as small talk, such phrases are necessary to get a dialog started—unless it is just a perfunctory greeting, and one doesn’t plan to pursue it any further. In that case, the opportunity for conversation and perhaps potential friendship is lost.

At the very basic level, conversation consists of two elements: speaking and listening. Of the two, listening, enhanced by eye contact, is perhaps the more important. Unless the listener is fully engaged in what the other is saying, even to the point of clarifying for proper understanding, the attempt at communicating can end in frustration, discouragement and failure.

Assembling the ingredients

The very word conversation means an interchange of thoughts, information and ideas.

The more widely read or traveled one is, the larger the scope of interests and experiences, the more the possibilities exist for scintillating, satisfying conversations.

A common topic at church services this time of year concerns the upcoming Feast of Tabernacles. Generally once a location is mentioned, others enthusiastically chime in with spontaneous recollections of activities, suggestions and possibilities of new experiences.

Another fertile field involves things learned from regular Bible study during the week. Whether a specific question or simply ruminations from the week’s readings are being discussed, you are likely to see a couple of people or a group conversing about the given topic. Such give-and-take encounters often energize the congregation and lend to the positive atmosphere of the Sabbath.

Salt is salt—right?

I’ll admit that I have always been content with the concept that salt is salt—Morton’s salt to be specific. It wasn’t until I studied into Paul’s analogy of salt seasoning our speech that I ventured into the larger world of salt.

Salt is the only mineral commonly eaten by man, and it is everywhere—in the blood, in the flesh of animals, in the ground and, of course, in the oceans. Salt has affected the rise and fall of nations, and it is still of major commercial import in the world’s economies. The fact is, we can’t live without it, and much of industry depends on it as well.

Among the various categories of salt such as rock, industrial and kosher, there’s a specialty category called finishing salt. Also referred to as artisan salt, this type is unique to its locale and to the salt maker. It is sprinkled on the finished dish to impart a unique flavor or texture, much the way each person has the opportunity to season a conversation with his own variety of “salt”: anecdotes, lessons learned, words of encouragement, humor and unique experiences.

Paul exhorts, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6, emphasis added).

The Expositor’s Bible Commentary on Colossians enlarges on this simple statement: “‘Seasoned with salt’ may mean that Christian conversation is to be marked by purity and wholesomeness. Some … understand ‘salt’ in the sense of that which gives taste or flavor.”

The commentator continues by including such seasonings as zest and liveliness, and ends with the ultimate objective: “Conversation must be appropriate for each person we speak to.”

That one verse teaches so much! It gives me much to think about and to practice—as every interchange becomes my homework for this independent study course, the Basics of Meaningful Conversation 101.

Karen Meeker has enjoyed her foray into the world of salt and hopes to sample at least three or four of the more than 120 varieties of artisan salt she discovered listed in Salted: A Manifesto on the World’s Most Essential Mineral by Mark Bitterman. She is looking forward to experimenting with fleur de sel de Guerande (a French sea salt) after the Feast in France this year.