The Catty Conundrum

For some reason I couldn’t understand, I had become the object of their derision.

A friend and I had decided on an afternoon golf excursion to enjoy a break in the stormy weather and get some quality exercise. Unfortunately, we only made it to the second hole before rain began to interfere, so we opted for a change of plans and headed to the library to look at books and DVD rentals.

Object of their derision

It was there that I apparently caught the attention of a couple of young women who were chatting with a young man at a computer station. At first, I didn’t notice anything, but then I began to notice loud laughter and snickering. When I looked up, I realized I was the source of the hilarity. Attempting to brush it off, I kept browsing.

About 10 minutes later, however, the two girls tiptoed closer, peeked at me around the shelves and broke out again in fresh peals of laughter as they ran away.

Admittedly, I wasn’t looking very put together for an afternoon at the library: Still in golf attire, I was wearing the customary collared shirt, nondenim shorts, sneakers and a visor, which had shaded my eyes on the course from the intermittent sun and which I hadn’t yet removed.

Likely it was the combination of the getup—and perhaps especially the visor—that made for such good comedy. But I admit I was deeply hurt. Others that day had noticed my and my friend’s attire and had assumed we had been involved in some sport activity. Why had these girls instead found something so amusing?

For some reason I couldn’t understand, I had become the object of their derision. And I’m sorry to say that even a couple weeks later, I still found myself hurt and confused by it.

Big deal

If you’re one of the fortunate personality and temperament combination types who wouldn’t at all be fazed by an incident like this, my reaction may be very difficult for you to understand. So without going into verbose detail with my Myers-Briggs personality profile, let’s just say that I’m one of those individuals who prefers it when people make sense. And when they don’t, I have a very difficult time with it.

“Catty” (or purposely malicious) behavior, like that described above, is something I have a particular difficulty in understanding.

For the most part. Because as I further processed the incident, I recalled an occasion from my early teenage years in which I had made a scornful comment to a close friend about another friend’s appearance.

When that memory floated to the surface after my encounter with the girls at the library, I was deeply ashamed. The very behavior that had caused me such consternation was the same I had myself modeled years earlier. Insert proverbial slap in the face here!

The heart of the matter

Having exhibited catty conduct myself, I can attest that, at its core, cattiness is a type of behavior displayed when a woman lacks confidence and self-assurance. Yes, men can lack confidence and display maliciousness too, but this blog focuses on women. And a catty woman is usually a competitive woman, often especially when men are involved.

So what can be done about this behavior? Oddly enough, whether you’re the instigator or the “instigatee,” the remedy is the same. It’s a matter of regular exercise, and the organ to benefit is the heart.

In a deeply poetic verse, the prophet Jeremiah—who knew a thing or two about encountering scorn—said: “Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord” (Lamentations 2:19). This approach can also serve as a remedy to dealing with cattiness and other attacks of a similar, personal nature. King David gave similar advice during a time of personal torment (see Psalm 62).

The one person you can change is …

Will this approach make others stop mocking you? Perhaps not. But praying regularly, deeply and earnestly to God will provide you with a greater sense of peace and calm. And if you’re lacking in confidence, “pouring out your heart” to God in prayer is an excellent start to gain some back.

There’s a proverb that applies here that I love for its double entendre: “For the LORD will be your confidence” (Proverbs 3:26). So not only can you confide in Him regularly, you can also gain assurance and fortitude from having a regular relationship with Him.

Ladies, we have enough challenges that add up on a daily basis. Let’s take the catty conundrum out of the equation.

Debbie is a freelance writer and editor who lives in northern Illinois with her husband, Guye. An animal person, she prefers the catty behavior of the feline variety.