The Exceptional Marriage

We all have seen examples of exceptionally strong marriages. What is it that makes these marriages stand out as exceptional? 

This year my life changed. 

As I excitedly finished the final details of wedding planning, I looked forward to receiving the blessing of marriage and the opportunity to begin building a lifelong partnership with my best friend. 

As we prepared for our wedding day, my then fiancé and I often reflected on the examples of many couples whose marriages we admired and the characteristics of their relationships that we wanted to emulate. We recognized that these couples all seemed to have something special that strengthened their connection. This observation led us to an important question: What is the key to an exceptional marriage?

To help answer this question, I asked a group of ladies in the Church for their perspectives on what they felt was the key to building an exceptional marriage. Their answers were insightful and are especially helpful for young women, married or single, who desire an exceptional marriage of their own.

A key to an exceptional marriage

Every marriage is different, but a key ingredient must be present for any marriage to be exceptional. 

Marriage occurs between two people, but three beings are involved: the husband, the wife and God. God is present at a couple’s wedding as He joins them together as husband and wife, and He will remain present throughout their marriage—if they stay faithful to Him and their marriage covenant (Matthew 19:5-6). In our material-driven world, it can be easy to neglect God’s critically important role in this union, but it is something that we cannot afford to forget. 

In the same way that our lives should be built on God (1 Corinthians 3:11), our marriages should also be built upon God. When a husband and wife agree to make God the foundation of their marriage and share the goal of seeking God’s Kingdom, God will bless their efforts (2 Corinthians 9:8; Matthew 6:33). He will help them use their individual qualities and strengths to produce synergy within their marriage. 

What is synergy, and how does it apply to marriage? 

Dictionary.com defines synergy as “the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc.” Put more simply, synergy is where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

This is an amazing concept. In marriage, a husband and wife have the special opportunity to achieve more together than each can achieve individually. 

One of the ladies I surveyed painted a beautiful picture of synergy in practice. She explained that the husband’s and wife’s “thoughts, interests and ways of thinking wrap and coil around one another, growing together toward Christ, like twisting vines growing up the trunk of the tree.” 

This is it. This is the picture of the exceptional marriage that we all desire. Synergy is the goal, and God’s presence and involvement are the key. 

The wife’s role in building synergy

We cannot achieve spiritual synergy in marriage apart from God, but we still have a part to play in building it. God rewards our efforts, but we must still put in the effort. 

As wives, what can each of us do to help build synergy in our own marriage? 

1. Put God first.

The primary way is by striving to imitate God (Ephesians 5:1) while fearing Him and keeping His commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Scripture emphasizes the value of a God-fearing woman in Proverbs 31:30, which states, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” 

Synergy requires consistent growth from both parties in order to stay alive and thrive. To grow with our spouse, we must grow and develop our relationship with God first. 

2. Strive to dwell with understanding.         

In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter instructs husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding. Though Peter was specifically addressing husbands, dwelling with understanding is a tool both husbands and wives can use to strengthen the bonds of their marriage and produce synergy. 

We shouldn’t assume that we thoroughly know and understand our husband. Rather, we should seek to learn more about him. What are his most significant struggles and doubts? What are his dreams, and what roadblocks are preventing him from achieving them? What does he need most? As we each make an intentional effort to get to know our own husband, we show love and respect for him and identify ways to better serve and help him. 

When we know our husband’s strengths and weaknesses, we can determine how to complement him most effectively. This process of seeking to understand our husband naturally builds synergy.

3. Pray for your husband.

As we each come to know and understand our own husband better, we can begin to pray specific prayers for him. By doing this, we prioritize him and his needs and deepen our connection to him. 

In James 5:16, James exhorts the brethren to pray for each other and explains that the fervent prayer of the righteous avails much. God has gifted us with prayer as a method of requesting His intervention, and we can use it for the betterment of our spouse. 

We can also pray specifically for the strength of our marriage. This further builds synergy by requesting God’s continued involvement in every aspect of our lives. When God is involved, beautiful things happen. 

4. Prioritize quality time.

Life consists of ordinary, everyday moments. But it is within these ordinary moments that we can hone our synergy. 

We don’t have to wait for special occasions to spend quality time with our spouse. Instead, as we can, we should set aside some quality time for our husband each day. 

This time can provide an opportunity for us to draw closer together by building a shared history and allowing us to reinforce our mutual goal of God’s Kingdom. 

This can be as simple as praying and studying the Bible together, helping each other with household tasks, enjoying quality conversation or partaking in a shared hobby. While doing these things, we can express genuine appreciation for each other and each other’s contributions, which will go a long way toward producing synergy. 

Proverbs 31:29 provides a beautiful example of a husband who praises his wife’s contributions, saying, “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” 

5. Remember the symbolism of marriage.

On our journey to build synergy, it’s helpful to remember the analogy Christ drew between the marriage relationship and His relationship with the Church. 

One person I spoke with while preparing this blog post provided a very insightful perspective. She explained: “Christ cherishes and nurtures His Church in such a loving way that the Church willingly submits to His authority and thrives and grows under that love.” 

As wives, we should be equally willing to fulfill our responsibility in this way (Ephesians 5:22). When we do, we can thrive alongside our husband under his love and care, developing a strength and a closeness that are unlike any other. 

To have an exceptional marriage, we must never stop working toward the bond that reflects the relationship between Christ and His Church. 

Make it exceptional  

Marriage is not easy, but it is beautiful and full of possibilities. An exceptional marriage is a God-centered marriage in which synergy is built. In our individual marriages, each of us must always put God first, dwell with our spouse with understanding, pray for our spouse continuously, share quality time and strive for the standard established by the relationship between Christ and the Church. 

By embracing our role in building synergy, our marriage can become like those twisting vines, beautifully intertwined as we grow together. 

Marriage is what we make it, so let’s make it exceptional. 

For additional reading on building an exceptional marriage, check out these articles: “How Great Marriages Work,” “How to Be a Good Wife”  and “How to Be a Good Husband.”