The House of Mourning

Death is a part of life that we all encounter throughout our lives. How can we help others who are going through the “house of mourning”?

Dealing with death is one of the hardest parts of life. I don’t mean dealing with the reality of our own mortality—but the death of a close friend or loved one.

Solomon wrote that it is “better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2). This verse has become a part of my life in the past year as I lost three friends to death. Going to the house of mourning three times in such close succession has taught me lessons in how to be there for others when they face this painful part of life.

Here are three things we can do to help those we love who are going to the house of mourning:

1. Help the family

Jesus taught that God’s people are characterized by their “love for one another” ( John 13: 35). There’s no more important time to fulfill this verse than when others are in the house of mourning.

Those who especially need extra love and kindness are the families of the individual who is dying or has died. As families grieve and deal with the difficult tasks of making funeral arrangements and preparing to host incoming relatives and friends, they often don’t have time to prepare good and nutritious meals. One of the best ways to show love to those in the house of mourning is to prepare and provide nutritious meals to keep them healthy and help them maintain their energy.

Be willing to offer other assistance—house cleaning, yard work, etc.—and be ready to fulfill the request if called upon. In some cases, you might even offer to sit with the dying loved one, who may be in the hospital or hospice care, so the family can rest or make arrangements.

As time goes by, the flood of calls, visits and cards that come with the death of a loved one may slow down. Those who have suffered the loss may find themselves alone. Staying in touch at this time is as important as being there was earlier. Pray for them—asking God to continue giving them comfort and strength.

As the bereaved attempt to move ahead, they will still need others. Their first Sabbath and Feast of Tabernacles without their loved one may be very hard for them. We can help by including them in our family activities, saving them a seat, sharing a meal or just generally being aware of their situation and helping to fulfill other needs they may have.

2. Be mindful of spoken words

When a loved one is approaching death is a time when comforting and encouraging words really matter. Remember that the person who is terminally ill may still be able to hear you. Sharing fond memories in the presence of the person and the family can be soothing. Singing songs, reading or simply holding a hand can bring comfort to the person and his or her loved ones.

Small children and teens can struggle to understand what is happening and why. We can carefully explain and offer them the opportunity to share their feelings, memories and expression of grief.

Anger, despair, disbelief and uncontrollable sadness may all be part of grief, so be careful not to judge. Remember, we all have different ways of expressing grief. We can encourage, comfort, be willing to give a hug or just listen. These simple things can be extremely important in a time of grief.

3. This is not the end for us

As others visit the house of mourning, it is important that we stay mindful—and, to the extent possible, help others to be mindful as well—of the precious truth that this life is temporary and that there is hope (1 Corinthians 15:22). We have the priceless knowledge of God’s plan, and we should use it to encourage others during this difficult time (1 Thessalonians 4:15-18).

We weep today, knowing that we won’t hear the voice or see the face of a loved one ever again in this physical life. But we can rejoice, knowing that our loved one will live again and that death will someday be completely destroyed (1 Corinthians 15:26).

God speed that day!

Chant’a Collier and her husband, Rodney, attend the Atlanta, Georgia, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.