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Written by Becky Bennett
Life produces plenty of opportunities to meet new people. Spending time with new people at church is one of the more special and enjoyable ones!
If church is the way it should be, most of us look forward to going to Sabbath services. Not only is there the excitement of hearing helpful, thought-provoking messages from God’s ministers, but there’s also the eagerness to reconnect with friends whom you may not have seen for a week. Many of them are more than just friends—they’re like family—aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, sons and daughters!
But how often do we think of another equally exciting possibility that might await us at services—the possibility of meeting a visitor!
Excited or nervous?
Oh? This is something that actually makes you nervous?
Well, join the club! Most of us want our congregation to be a friendly, welcoming place—both for other members who are traveling through the area and for those who are starting to learn God’s truth and might begin attending services regularly. Maybe it’s because we care so much that sometimes our excitement turns into anxiety.
But the fact is, lots of people find meeting new people stressful. Humans are social creatures, so interacting with others is important to us. But we don’t always find it easy.
That’s probably why library and bookstore shelves have so many books on the subjects of meeting people, connecting with people, making conversation, making good first impressions, etc.
What tips do the experts give?
It starts with your attitude
One of the most critical factors for success in meeting new people is our motive. You have a very good start if your focus is on the other person rather than yourself. Ann Demarais Ph.D. and Valerie White Ph.D. explain that this kind of social generosity is “what is commonly meant by being ‘nice.’ … While relationships are about mutual need fulfillment, first impressions are about meeting others’ needs. When you meet someone for the first time, it’s a short but special moment” (First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You, 2004, p. 23).
You can show warmth and interest in the person you’re meeting—even before you say a word—by a smile, relaxed posture and making eye contact. “When someone shows genuine interest in you, you feel appreciated and understood—a core social benefit that you seek out, and unconsciously react to, in interactions with people” (p. 59).
Ready to talk …
In most instances, the first thing you’ll say will be by way of introduction. Pay attention to the person’s name and use it in your reply. Demarais and White write, “If in a first meeting you use others’ names, they may have an unconscious positive reaction. … It communicates that you paid enough attention to care, register, and remember it” (p. 63).
Your conversation will probably begin with some sort of general statement—a comment about the location, surroundings, weather, etc.
You can then move into questions. Nicholas Boothman, author of How to Make People Like You, encourages open-ended questions. These, he explains, “begin with one of six conversation-generating words: Who? When? What? Why? Where? How? These words invite an explanation, an opinion or a feeling. … They assist us in establishing rapport and making connections because they oblige the other person to start talking and begin opening up” (2008, p. 92).
Common topics include family, work and hobbies. You might ask such questions as, “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “What do you like to do in your spare time?”
… And listen
As the person you’re meeting answers these questions, you can listen for information that might generate other open-ended questions and (voila!) a conversation. It’s in this listening stage that we sometimes have trouble.
Sometimes without realizing it, we let our minds drift and don’t actively listen. Even if we don’t realize it, others will. “People are very sensitive to attention, and feel unappreciated and even frustrated when they sense that they are not listened to or understood” (Demarais and White, p. 68). You can show that you’re actively listening by nodding or saying “uh-huh,” leaning slightly toward the person, smiling or matching their emotion, and making good eye contact (p. 70).
A good conversation will be balanced. Boothman encourages, “Be curious and show concern for others. Encourage them to talk with you by giving sincere feedback. Work toward finding common interests, goals and experiences, and communicate with enthusiasm, knowledge and interest” (p. 105).
Pray about it ahead of time
The most important thing you can do? Pray about your fellowship possibilities before you go to church. Ask God to bless the conversations you have both with old friends and new acquaintances so that they might be uplifting and encouraging to everyone.
Becky Bennett asked a few friends for input on this subject, so stay tuned for part 2 to read their helpful advice.
For more on relationship building, see:
