To Submit or Not to Submit?

As a wife in the 21st century, I face the challenge of understanding and applying the biblical instructions that so few respect today. What does it mean to be a godly wife today? What specific things should I do or not do to help build the wonderful marriage relationship God wants us to have?

Women have been through a lot of changes over the last 50 years. We’ve gone from traditional housewife, to feminist, to college graduate, to, in some cases, the new breadwinner. How does God view our role amidst society’s ever-changing picture of women and wives?

In everything

Ephesians 5:24 explains it clearly, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” The word everything doesn’t really leave me with much wiggle room to question what is meant.

We may cringe to think of this kind of submission because it’s seen as weak or as an invitation to let others walk all over you. But lately I’ve been realizing it takes an immensely strong woman to trust God’s will and design and to practice it day to day alongside an imperfect mate. (Obviously, we’re not talking about an abusive mate here.)

The day we get married and become a wife, we inherit a huge blessing. That blessing comes with a responsibility and a choice: to inspire and encourage a future son of God, or to belittle and oppress the one we love.

Our society pushes us toward the latter with commercials that portray the opposite sex as an incompetent male who needs his wife to save him in even the smallest decisions, like which brand of paper towels to choose. If marriages today were thriving with this reversed chain of command, then it would be harder to argue. But I don’t believe this to be the case. I feel we must evaluate at what point we strayed from the pure concept of a functioning relationship.

Living our part

What does it mean to submit? How do I implement this lifestyle? I admit that I have only been in the position of “wife” for a few years, but I have learned some valuable lessons, and I have also been able to learn from some older role models who are trying to live by these same standards. Here are some practical tips I have found.

• Believe in him.

Men thrive on appreciation. When you truly believe that he will guide your family to good things and you remind him of your faith in his abilities, it can do wonders. Thank him for the work he does, encourage any dreams he might think of pursuing, and put away any doubts. Even if he isn’t currently living up to all your expectations, continue to encourage and be his support.

Michael Pearl, author of many books on marriage, says, “No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to be a better man—no matter how justified the condemnation.”

The beauty of God’s plan is that when we all do our own part, we grow in a way that’s much more rewarding than forcing someone to do theirs.

• Listen to him.

If you listen, men will tell you what they appreciate. Some men might really like it if you would grow your hair longer, and others might like dinner before 7. It doesn’t really matter how silly the request might seem, if it is important to him, it can help build your relationship. Try to find joy in being a helper to the man God gave you, instead of comparing him to other husbands.

• Only speak well of him.

We women are generally good at expressing ourselves, sharing emotions and connecting with each other; and when this is done right, it is an amazing way for us to help each other. However, if it’s used only to belittle what my husband does or does not do for me, I will gain little. I am to bring honor to his name, so that his heart can trust me (Proverbs 31:11).

• Be a keeper of the home.

This may not be politically correct, but it is biblically correct. Women have grown to resent the image of being responsible for cleaning. But Titus 2:5 says that we are to be “keepers at home,” “homemakers” or “busy at home” (King James Version, New King James Version and New International Version). At times I find this hard to juggle with a job outside the home as well, but I still find satisfaction in caring for my home. We can create a joyous atmosphere for our families by the meals we prepare and the things we keep in order. Plus it feels good when you can take pride in your home.

The challenge of being a godly wife is not for the faint of heart. It will take patience with others and with yourself, for we all fall short of the ideal. I continually pray to ask God to guide me in becoming the helper He intended.

Sarah Henderson, a nanny of a 2-year-old boy, and her husband attend the Columbus/Cambridge, Ohio, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.

See these previous posts about wives and husbands:

• Uniquely From the Father
• A Lesson in Longsuffering
• Lessons From Sarah
• RSVP: My Daughter’s Wedding, the Royal Wedding and the Most-Anticipated Wedding of All
• Weddings, Wives and Crowns