Why Doesn’t He Listen?

As a wife, it’s easy to feel your husband just isn’t listening to your input or that he doesn’t care. What should we do?

How many times have I made an appointment to be at a certain place at a certain time (and I hate to be late), but my husband seems to be dragging his feet and doing everything else besides getting ready to go? It seems that I am always in a hurry to get somewhere or do something. And I expect my slow (seemingly, compared to the urgency I feel), steady, sweet husband to be right there beside me, sharing my thinking and my urgency!

How many times have I said, “Honey, we have to hurry; we are going to be late!”

About then I see the need to try to reflect on the scriptures that instruct me to treat my husband with the same respect that I would treat Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). If I did that, then I surely wouldn’t nag Him!

What then should I do? I’ve found that the best thing I can do in order to “get my way,” so to speak, is to ask God to please intervene and inspire my husband to see that we must hurry and to also give me patience and help me not to get anxious or excitable.

Differences of opinion

Obviously your situation and the areas where you see things differently from your husband will not be the same as mine. But in every marriage there will be situations that come up and decisions that have to be made where the husband and wife will have different ideas. How hard is it to submit to our husbands when we believe we are right, but they think they are right? What do we do?

We know we should yield, but don’t we sometimes think, “I must say something because he is wrong”? Of course, there is a right and a wrong way to say something. How we say it is really the issue sometimes. A soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). If we maintain honor and respect for him, he will be more willing to listen to what we have to say and to see things our way—at least that is what I have experienced. That doesn’t mean he will always change his mind.

I think what we as wives really want is to be validated and for our husbands to be open to our ideas, even if they don’t always agree with them. But if they don’t agree with our thinking, no matter how difficult it is, we should drop it and be willing to support them in their decisions.

Don’t treat them like children

How many times have wives talked to their husbands like they do to their children? Do we correct them and argue with them? And do we do it in public?

If we get into this habit, then we will do it without thinking and will also quite likely do it in front of others. This is very serious.

It takes faith

Would we argue with Jesus Christ? Do we have faith in God that He can guide and direct our husbands to make right choices and do the right thing? And that He can bless us and our families even if our husbands don’t make the absolute best decisions every time? In short it takes faith in God to submit to our husbands. See some excellent examples in an article written by Sarah Henderson, “To Submit or Not to Submit?”

I have found over the years that if I just relax and put things in God’s hands, it always works out for the best! That doesn’t mean that I don’t forget sometimes and try to push my way again.

Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

If we remember this, then we can have the peace that God wants us to have, and our husbands will safely trust in us to listen, respect and support their decisions.

Judy Swanson and her husband, Bill, a retired pastor, reside in East Bernstadt, Kentucky, and help serve the Church of God, a Worldwide Association, congregations in London, Kentucky, and Knoxville and Johnson City, Tennessee.

See additional posts by Judy Swanson:

• He Fell in Love With My Mind!
• The Power of Hezekiah’s Prayer
• The Mother of Christ: Would God Choose You?