Is It True That We Can Forgive Ourselves?

Guilt can be a debilitating emotion, so many experts advise that we just forgive ourselves and move on. But does that really solve the underlying problem?

Recently I’ve heard several “experts” in the area of forgiveness state things like:

• “You just need to forgive yourself and move on with life.” 
• “You should not be so hard on yourself, as you didn’t mean to do it.” 
• “You have put yourself through enough torture—you need to just love who you are and forgive yourself.”

But are these statements true? Or is something else necessary when we sin?

What does the Bible say?

What does God say about this subject? What choices does He want us to make when we have broken His laws or hurt another person by what we did or said?

The Bible has much to say about forgiveness from God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and about forgiving others when they have wronged us.

Christ declared at His final Passover, “For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins” (Matthew 26:28).

Christ’s sacrifice for our sins is also mentioned in Colossians 1:13-14: “He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”

A biblical example

There is a story about a king who learned the power of forgiveness. He committed adultery with a married woman and then sent her husband to the front lines of battle where he was killed in the fighting. This king then tried to cover up the affair and the murder.

The story can be found in 2 Samuel 11. It is the story of King David. He was faced with the choice of just “forgiving himself” and living a lie by justifying what he had done, or going before God, confessing his sin and asking for forgiveness so that he could be right with God.

Unfortunately, it took being confronted with his sin for David to act (2 Samuel 12). Afterwards, King David chose to lay out his sin before God in a deeply emotional way (recorded in Psalm 51). Here are some of his words: “Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight” (verses 1-4, emphasis added).

He faced the consequences of his sin, and he laid his sins before God, asking God for complete forgiveness. This is the only way that we can be truly forgiven and move forward with our lives!

King David suffered greatly when the son born of his adultery was dying. But in the long run God blessed David because he confessed his sin, asked for forgiveness and then moved forward in doing right. 

Seek God’s forgiveness

When we need to be forgiven, do we turn to the adage, “Just learn to love who you are and forgive yourself”? Or do we turn to God in prayer and study His words of wisdom? God instructs us to seek Him! The apostle Paul explained that through Jesus “is preached to you the forgiveness of sins; and by Him everyone who believes is justified from all things from which you could not be justified by the law of Moses” (Acts 13:38-39).

The only way we can be forgiven is through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the mercy of God. When we sin, we need to go to God quickly and ask for forgiveness. We shouldn’t wait until the consequences hit us, as David did.

Let us live by the words in Christ’s sample prayer in Matthew 6:12-14: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. … For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Though we need to move forward after we have received forgiveness, that is not where the process begins. Our first priority must be to seek God’s forgiveness!

To learn more about this subject, see the article “Forgiving Yourself?”

Dave La Ravia attends the Fort Smith, Arkansas, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association, with his wife, Laura, and daughter Codi.