Should a Christian Have Self-Esteem?

Society’s obsession with self-esteem can have unintended consequences. How should we as Christians determine our self-esteem and the way we esteem others?

Self-esteem is one of the most highly promoted virtues of our culture, with children being taught from a young age that they need to have more of it. Psychologists view it as one of the most important mental health markers in determining your likelihood to develop depression and accept abuse.

What is self-esteem?

The Mayo Clinic defines self-esteem as “your overall opinion of yourself—how you honestly feel about your abilities and limitations. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You might constantly worry that you aren’t ‘good enough.’” Psychologists assert that we also need an appropriate level of self-efficacy, which is the belief we have in our ability to succeed and overcome life’s challenges.

Experts theorize that these beliefs begin to be shaped almost at birth. Your self-worth is influenced by how you were raised, the opinions others have of you, your academic and athletic abilities, social acceptance, and the beliefs you choose to hold about yourself.

But the ways in which parents and elementary schools try to help their children build self-esteem are imperfect. The message that “you are valuable” is frequently misconstrued into “love yourself above all else.” The Millennial generation is often criticized for being more narcissistic—having excessive love, admiration and esteem for self—than any generation before. Meanwhile, children who truly need to hear encouraging messages tune them out, because fluffy words aren’t enough to get past a troubling home life.

As Christians, our self-esteem and the way we esteem others should be determined very differently.

Unconditional love

One of the most important aspects to developing healthy self-esteem is having a constant source of unconditional love. For children, this love should come from parents. But the ultimate source of unconditional love for every human being is God—whose nature is defined by His perfect love (1 John 4:8, 16).

In the words of King David: “LORD, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You are mindful of him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow” (Psalm 144:4-5).

Though our physical bodies are, in essence, merely dust (Genesis 2:7), the God who formed us from that dust will never cease to care for us. The Bible says very plainly that we can rely on God because “He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

A sure purpose

To believe that we have worth, we must believe that we have potential and a reason to live. God has given us a purpose far more wonderful than we could ever imagine—to become a part of His family!

We are God’s handiwork (Isaiah 45:9), and He is working on making each of us into a priceless masterpiece. Despite our present flaws and weaknesses, He loves us so much that He gave His beloved Son to die for our sins so that we could grow to become like Him (John 15:13; 1 John 4:9-10). Eventually we will become spirit beings who will live with Him for all eternity.

Clay is worth very little. Dust is worth even less. But when it is formed into a beautiful and useful vessel, it becomes valuable. It is both God’s love and our submission to His loving hands, molding us to fulfill our purpose, that gives us true and lasting worth.

Applications of healthy self-esteem

God has given us reasoning power, strength and abilities to accomplish great things in this life. He wants us to be successful and happy. But He also wants us to be humble and to focus on attaining eternal life in His family. He expects us to have self-worth and self-efficacy and to treat our bodies with respect (1 Corinthians 6:20), but His reasoning is very different from the philosophy of psychologists today.

We are to have self-respect with humility so that we can properly love and know how to treat everyone else (Matthew 22:39), realizing that the same God who created us also created them with the same eternal purpose—to be in His glorified family (Ephesians 1:10-12). However, God has given us differing talents and abilities (Luke 19:12-26; 1 Corinthians 12).

Paul wrote, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3). We cannot attain eternal life with a prideful, self-centered heart. Narcissism, excessive self-esteem, does not equate to happiness even in this life. We should instead strive to have godly love. First and most important, we must have “God-esteem,” loving God and His qualities above all else. Then we must have “others-esteem,” appreciating the talents and abilities of others. And last, we should have “self-esteem,” a belief in our own worth and ability.

The concept of godly love is the foundation of the Christian faith. It is one that a physical human could never perfectly master—but it is our life’s work! With God’s help, we are well able to meet the challenge.

Erica Bennett is a student at the University of Cincinnati and is a member of the Cincinnati/Dayton, Ohio, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.