What’s Your Emotional Intelligence?

We all have emotions. How we react to them can help or hurt our progress toward developing godly character.

Emotional intelligence (EQ), according to John Mayer and Peter Salovey (leading researchers in this area), is described as an ability to recognize the meanings of emotions and their relationships, and to reason and problem solve on the basis of them.

Mayer and Salovey describe four factors of emotional intelligence:

• Perceiving emotions.
• Using emotions to facilitate thought.
• Understanding emotions.
• Managing emotions.

Having a high emotional intelligence means we are able to perceive, reason with, understand and manage our emotions. Those with a high EQ do feel emotions like worry, fear, anger and discouragement; but they are not dominated by them.

On the other hand, those with a low EQ have a tendency to be governed by these feelings that can lead to anger, criticism and blame.

Each of the four factors of emotional intelligence plays an important role in our Christian lives.

Perceiving emotions

We can accurately identify our own feelings by noticing things like our nonverbal language, facial expression, tone of voice and other behaviors. Identifying and admitting to our emotions, rather than avoiding them, is an important step to having the attitude and character that God desires in us.

Lamentations 3:40 tells us, “Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the LORD.” We must recognize our emotions to prevent feelings from leading us to sin, whether of action or word.

Using emotions to facilitate thought

Our emotions can focus our thoughts on an issue. Are our emotions and thoughts in alignment with God and Christ? We can choose to focus on the problem and our feelings about it, or we can choose to work toward a solution.

For example, if someone has said something insulting about us, we can choose to go to that person for clarification, or we can choose to let our anger brew within our thoughts and tell all our friends about the offense. It can be difficult and painful to discuss that offense with the person, but 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Understanding emotions

Discovering the root emotion and what causes it leads us to more complete godly character. Anger is displayed by many in difficult circumstances; however, anger is a secondary emotion, often covering other more vulnerable feelings such as sadness, fear, worry and anxiety. There are times when we have been hurt by someone, so we lash out and involve others.

When we are offended, we must forgive, even if forgiveness isn’t asked and persecution continues to follow.If Jesus Christ, during His crucifixion, could say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34), how much more willing should we be to forgive when we’ve been offended by something far less, like someone’s words?

When we have intense negative emotions, Psalm 4:4 reminds us to “be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” Take your emotions to God. Ask Him to heal your pain and fill you with the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—described in Galatians 5:22-23.

Managing emotions

We must regulate and respond appropriately to our emotions. We must control our emotions and not allow them to take charge of what we say and what we do. We must consider and ask ourselves, “Will my reaction make the problem bigger or smaller?” Genesis 4:7 says: “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

In the fast-paced technological world we live in, we can type our feelings about a particular situation, and millions can read it. What would we be showing the viewers? Love? Self-control? Kindness? Long-suffering?

Emotional intelligence is critical to our character. Perceiving, thinking about, understanding and managing our emotions allow us to grow in godly development. Proverbs 31 shows us the traits we (particularly women) should be striving for. When going through difficult situations, will we be able to say the following about our character? “Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:25-26).

Jesus Christ, who was perfect, received the greatest offense and in His deepest pain focused on love and forgiveness. When offended or hurt by others, we must strive to have His mind and not allow our emotions to rule over us.

Shannon Foster, a school counselor, and her husband are members of the Cincinnati/Dayton, Ohio, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.