Why Do We Cherish Our Anger?

Anger! We all become angry at somebody or something at one time or another. It’s a universal, powerful human emotion, but it can drive people to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. What does God’s Word say about nurturing and feeding the human emotion of anger?

It starts in earliest childhood. Even little babies get red in the face and scream in anger when they don’t get their way. All of us expressed that unpleasant but natural emotion when we were immature. As we matured, likely anger was still our natural reaction when we stubbed our toe or when someone hurt our pride with a criticism or insult.

Humans tend to cherish their anger

How we express our anger and what happens when our anger is not resolved properly are important issues we all face. We humans tend to embrace and nurture our angry emotions. We seem to find strange comfort in our lingering anger.

Over time, anger can become a habit to cope with the pain of accumulated experiences from the past. Then we tend to act out our anger by taking personal revenge. After anger expresses itself outwardly, we often regret the things we did or said.

Just like a little toddler who grows stronger with feeding and care, anger grows when it is nurtured and fed long enough. The result is often an attempt to get even using destructive emotional or even physical revenge toward others who have hurt us.

Esau’s anger toward Jacob

One scenario from the Bible powerfully illustrates long-held anger. Jacob willingly followed his mother’s instruction and tricked his father to give him the very important birthright promises meant for his older brother, Esau.

Esau was cheated and was in a rage! So Esau ended up hating Jacob, and he said in his heart, “The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then I will kill my brother Jacob” (Genesis 27:41).

Many would think that Esau was justified in his anger toward his brother, though few would agree with his murderous intent. Jacob was not without fault. Jacob used lies and deception to steal from Esau. But did Esau have the moral right to retaliate in his anger toward Jacob? No!

The end result was Esau stewing over this issue for decades and Jacob having to hide from his brother for all those years before they finally reconciled with each other.

Leave revenge to God

What does God say about not cherishing and nurturing this universal human emotion of anger?

We are instructed to never avenge ourselves, but rather to put difficult matters into God’s hands. Only God has perfect judgment and a perfect calculation of His anger.

God says, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay’” (Romans 12:19).

A psalm of David says: “In your anger do not sin” (Psalm 4:4, New International Version).

In that same psalm the context is asking for God’s help, “Give me relief from my distress. … Trust in the LORD. … I will lie down and sleep in peace” (verses 1, 5, 8).

Letting our anger linger

It seems the apostle Paul quotes from Psalm 4:1: “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27).

Paul added this admonition to the original verse, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” This means, do not harbor anger for the purpose of revenge; do not cherish anger to devise a plan to get back at the other person, because that’s exactly what lingering anger will do.

Barnes’ Notes Commentary says the meaning of the whole of this verse then is, “If you be angry, don’t let it overleap its proper bounds; do not cherish it; do not let it remain even to the setting of the sun.”

It does not do us any good to let our anger linger beyond the day. So God gives us a guideline that there needs to be a limitation to our anger—for our own good.

A healthy alternative

We all have our anger. We all naturally justify our anger in our minds. Sometimes our anger is truly justified, but we must conclude our anger quickly before it consumes us. Anger that is unresolved turns into resentment and bitterness. That bitterness eventually spills over into other areas of our lives, causing great grief to ourselves as well as others.

Here’s a healthy alternative from the Bible: “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32). Ask God for His help to properly manage anger. And check out the related resources below.

Chris Moen and his wife, Angela, live in Massillon, Ohio, where he serves as the pastor for two congregations of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.

For more about dealing with anger, see:

• Anger: “It Injures Me”
• Peacemakers, Peacekeepers and the Search for Real Peace
• What’s Your Emotional Intelligence?