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Written by Todd Carey
Children need attention—they demand it. If they don’t get attention from their parents with positive actions, they may seek it with negative actions or seek it elsewhere. Pay attention to their “ta-da” moments and it will pay off!
In truth, I probably looked like a striped piece of peppermint candy with my alternating red and white stripes, but I thought I looked cool. I was wearing the first pair of pajamas I could remember owning, and I strutted around the house waiting to show them off to my dad.
After a few mild threats of having my posterior fanned, I decided to heed Mom’s instructions and go to bed. Even then, my excitement was undaunted because, at the first sound of a key rattling in the lock, I planned to leap from my bed and model my new “jammies” for my dad.
Finally, after what seemed like five hours, the front door squeaked as it opened. Immediately, I sprinted to the living room. After all the smooching and stuff, I finally had Dad’s attention—or so I thought. Dad was watching wrestling on television.
No longer able to contain myself, I proudly exclaimed, “Dad, how do I look in my new pajamas?”
“You look like a clown,” Dad said.
The things we do for love … and attention
His answer stopped me in my tracks. Of all the descriptions he could have used, “clown” was the most unattractive of all. Clowns were misfits with bad haircuts and loud clothes! I wanted an endearing term. After all, look how late I stayed up just to have his attention.
Speechless, I marched back to my bedroom, candy stripes in tow.
As parents, sometimes we can miss these little performances designed not only to get our attention, but our approval as well. Many children love to entertain for their parents. They invite them to tea parties, puppet shows, homemade movies and one-man bands. Some go to great lengths to make costumes or write stories or little one-act plays.
Eager for the desired outcome (which is to receive acceptance, approval, applause and encouragement), children painstakingly work for our undivided attention.
The “ta-da” moment
It has been my experience as a parent that our children give little regard to time management when it comes to receiving attention from Mom and Dad. The younger the child, the less likely he or she is to consider things like your eight to 10 hours of hard work a day, the fact that you’re tired or that you brought work home with you. When you enter your house, you have crossed into his or her realm.
Just as spouses desire to reconnect with their mates, children seek the opportunity to enter into your space for their portion of time. It is sometimes said that children will get your attention one way or another. They may seek it positively; but if not reinforced or accepted, they may behave negatively in order to get you to engage with them.
Negative attention is still attention, so it behooves us as parents to make a concerted effort (even though we may be low on energy) to meet the needs of our children. The power of touch cannot be ignored when it comes to our children. Holding them, letting them sit on our lap or just caressing their hair feeds that need to know they are noticed and accepted.
Keep in mind there will come a day when the concerts and home movies will end, so take the time to participate and commend your children for taking their time to entertain you. When the “ta-da” moment comes at the end of the presentation, be sure to tell them how much you appreciate their talent and work. Praise and attention will promote confidence and a desire to please you even more.
Never too late to attend
As for me, I remember lying in bed teary-eyed and hearing the door open. It was Dad, and I watched as he crept around our toys lying on the floor. He leaned over me and said he was sorry for calling me a clown, and that he really liked the pajamas.
Maybe Dad realized he had burst my balloon, or maybe Mom got on him for making me cry. I don’t know, nor does it matter. I only know I was happy for Dad’s brief visit and attention.
Todd Carey serves as a pastor for the Church of God, a Worldwide Association. He and his wife, Gloria, have been married for 24 years and have two sons, Justin and Bronson. Todd and Gloria serve the brethren of Williamsburg, Virginia, and Delmar, Delaware.
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