A Mother Looks at the Fifth Commandment

How does God expect parents to view parental honor?

Having recently lost my own mother, I have been contemplating all things parenthood and, particularly, motherhood. My mother was an amazing woman, one whose accomplishments I could only dream to match. But our relationship was not always solid. I was frequently reminded of the Fifth Commandment, an admonishment to “honor” my mother; but the concept never really made sense to me.

Having a daughter of my own now, I am again frequently reminded of the Fifth Commandment. It would certainly be an easy comeback to the occasionally frustrating behaviors and attitudes of a 3-year-old with my DNA!

But what does the Fifth Commandment mean—to me as a parent? How do I fit into the equation?

Not because of me

I believe that the greatest mistake I can make with my daughter is to assume that she is obligated to honor me because of anything I have done. I carried and delivered my daughter, but God is really the One who did all of the work. In fact, I can claim none of the credit. She is His masterpiece; and further, she is His child!

Whenever I say “my daughter,” I am strongly reminded that she is actually HIS daughter, just as I am. She has been placed with me for a few short physical years. I am a steward of her life, her mind, her heart—and that is a daunting responsibility! But, by simply having a child, I have done nothing yet to deserve the honor she is commanded to give me.

The honor God commands her to extend to me is best understood, in my view, as wholly apart from me. The command originates with God and is directed at her. I am a temporary beneficiary—after all, her honor can certainly make my life as a mother much easier. But she is the one who benefits in the end. She benefits by pleasing me in the short term and, in the long term, by pleasing God.

What God said to parents

A recent reading of Deuteronomy 11 made this concept fall into place for me. God expected ancient Israel to honor Him:

“Therefore you shall love the LORD your God, and keep His charge, His statutes, His judgments, and His commandments always” (verse 1).

Why?

“Your eyes have seen every great act of the LORD which He did” (verse 7).

Reading the verses in between was intriguing:

“Know today that I do not speak with your children, who have not known and who have not seen the chastening of the LORD your God, His greatness and His mighty hand and His outstretched arm—His signs and His acts which He did in the midst of Egypt” (verses 2-3, emphasis added).

This is the part that struck me. Why was God not speaking to the children? Because they hadn’t witnessed Him as the parents had. He hadn’t taught the children—He had taught the parents! They had seen His wonders and miracles. They had seen Him demonstrate His might, His power—and His love. They thus had a context to worship, revere, fear and honor Him. He had taught them that.

Since God has called and taught me, I must teach my daughter about God and His way of life and what He expects of us as His children. I must teach her what it means to honor God—just as He taught me. I must help her to understand that honoring God means obedience to His commandments.

“You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (verses 19-20).

Obedience to me as her mother should help my daughter learn obedience to God our Father.

It is true that I must correct my daughter if she fails to obey the Fifth Commandment. However, I cannot correct her without having first instructed her. Honor cannot be taught without first teaching about the One who is ultimately deserving of honor. I must teach her about His words, His works, His nature and that her obedience to the Fifth Commandment is really showing honor to God.

A promise attached

Deuteronomy 11 includes a promise for obeying God’s commands: “That your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth” (verse 21).

What a true blessing it is to understand my role in helping my daughter to fulfill the Fifth Commandment and reap God’s blessings for obedience!

Aimee Lemen attends the Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota, congregation with her 3-year-old daughter, Amira. She is a full-time professional, full-time-plus mother and, in her free time, enjoys sleep.

For more about parenting and the Fifth Commandment, see:

• The Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Father and Mother
• The Fifth Commandment Bible Study
• The Parenting Power of Encouragement
• Bible Study for Kids: Honor Your Mother